Sunday, May 29, 2011

Looking Back...

Looks like my blog post this week is a wee bit late...but I had good reason!  This morning, Brian and I and our friends Sandra and Lara headed down to Bridgeland to partake in the Calgary Marathon.  Brian and Sandra participated in the Astra Zeneca 5km run and walk.  To put it mildly, they blew it away...Brian finished in under an hour - I think it was 55 mins and Sandra finished in 44 minutes.  I am so incredibly proud of both of them!  Another friend Kim, completed the half-marathon and finished in 2 hours 3 minutes...pretty great I would say...

I have spent some time looking back on my posts - I have blogged here on Blogspot for almost two years - it's hard to believe...I have blogged on and off for years - a friend reminded me yesterday that I still have a blog sitting on Live Journal - which I don't even remember the password to get into to take a look at anyways - so will have to let that go :-)  Anyway - as I was looking at some of my posts from 2009 and even a few from 2010, I can see where I have particular post Perseverance caught my eye... it was going to be the first Christmas without my Mom - and I was in a lot of pain...I still hurt from time to time and miss her and have bouts of crying spells (like the one I had today) but I seem to be managing my feelings about it a heck of a lot better.  

One word in particular to describe myself, that crosses my mind when I read back in my blog is the word "pathetic", I don't mean this in a negative way towards myself...I realize now how truly lost and in pain I really was - and how I have managed to "dig and crawl" my way out of it.  I have used all the tools available to me...everything from exercise, to my therapist to prescription drugs to even out my mood.  I still remember feeling as though I was in a dark well - trying to claw my way up to the top - only to slip and fall back into the darkness.  All of this might sound dramatic, but it's true.

I am happy with how I have progressed.  I know I will have lapses from time to time...I know I will fall off my "food wagon" and be naughty with my food from time to time...but the whole point that I am HUMAN.

And I am proud of myself and how far I have come.

That is all...

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