Wednesday, January 9, 2013


I'm a control freak. 

Since the begining of time, I've always felt the need for control in my life...and to control others. 

This something I would like to change,and I know it will be a long process for me. 

I seem to fixate on others actions (or in a lot of instances - inactions) instead of concentrating on what I need to do.

The gym right now is crazy busy...packed with all the usual "Resolutioners."  Last week I went and did some cardio on my own - as I was spining away on the spin bike, I had a nice full view of the gym floor - and watched all the newbies in action.  I giggled to myself as I watched this younger, slim cute blonde girl do tricep extensions with a five pound weight.  A FIVE POUND WEIGHT.  I even went as far as to record a video of her on my phone.  When I got home, I showed my husband Brian and laughed again.  Except...he wasn't laughing.  He just looked at me and said "Maybe that's all she could do."  "At least she showed up and worked out the best she could." 

I've talked to a couple other people about it and they pretty much said the same thing to me.

Have I really become that kind of person??  I've had a few days to think about it and feel really badly with how I have acted.  I feel like I need to control other people.  I feel like I sometimes even compare myself with others instead of just concentrating on myself and controlling MY actions.

Starting today, I will be a kinder, more understanding person.  I want to be a role model to people that are just starting out on this kind of a journey.  I have been where these people are right now...I know what it's like to walk into a gym all by myself starting out and be scared shitless...

I will be a more supportive, encouraging friend.

I hope I never have to feel this way again. 

That is all.