Monday, April 8, 2013

Carry On...

I won't deny it.  The past couple of months have been a true eye opener for me.  I think I have learned more about myself in two months that I have for most of my life. 

I started a new medication early last month - and am very happy to report that I have been feeling a whole bunch better, and the really positive aspect is I am calmer, and am sleeping WAY better.

The downside?  I'm gaining weight.  And not just a little.  I've gained 10 pounds in one month.  Unfortunately, one of the side effects of the Celexa is weight gain. 

I can't blame the medication entirely for my gain though.  A couple of weeks ago, I took almost an entire week off from the gym.  I was having daily headaches and dizziness from my body adjusting to the Celexa.  I felt horrible and lazy and just plain gross.  Last Monday, when I finally went back, I found the class so brutal, I had to stop and take deep breaths as I tried to keep the puke down.  I just kept thinking to myself -"This time away was SO NOT WORTH IT."  So I made a vow to myself NEVER to do that again.  I made a promise to go to the gym a minimum of 4x a week and I will stick to it.

I am also not making the best of food choices.  I know I am eating WAY too many carbs.  I kind of giggled to myself when I reviewed my food journal for the past couple of weeks.  I logged EVERYTHING - which was honest of me, but sure was an eye opener.  WAY too much sugar and carbs, and the most alarming thing was the amount of sodium I was consuming. 

I've also stopped asking for support.  I haven't had my lapband filled since the end of October.  I haven't been using my band the way it is supposed to be a tool.  I need to ask for help from the Dietitians in my program and use all of the resources that are available to me. 

I feel ashamed of myself that I have gained, but I must keep telling myself how far I really have come.  I have literally changed my life.  I am stronger than I have ever been and will continue on that road.

So...for this next week I will:

1.  Eat fewer carbs.
2.  Eat less sugar.
3.  Decrease my sodium intake.
4.  Call my lapband program and make an appt with one of the dietitians.
5.  Keep on the right track with my exercise program - I've planned for 4 days again, so will stick with it.

We all struggle sometimes.  The positive resolution to this, is to just get right back up and keep going.

And...Carry on.