When I started this journey back almost two years ago, I came in with no expectations really...why would I? It seemed that everything I tried - (Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, TOPS - just to name a few) I always seemed to fail at and yes, I would lose weight at first, but then become frustrated and then just give up and gain the weight back and then some.
Earlier in the week, I got to thinking how far I have come. Those of you that know me well know that when I say "I got to thinking" you know that's not entirely a good thing. I tend to over-analyze and over-think when it comes to my weight-loss efforts. On Wednesday I hit a milestone. I hit the 70 lbs mark! I was so excited when I saw 288 lbs...I was so happy I could hardly get ready for work. Then on the way to work I "got to thinking"... WTF?! That's 70 lbs in TWO years...that's terrible...Kristy - U suck...
So ya...that's what I continued to do for pretty much the rest of the week - I berated myself...treated myself like dirt...you name it - I did it.
I finally "woke up" on Friday...I decided that I had had enough - enough with the negative energy and pain that I was causing myself. So what if I lost 70 lbs in two years...so what if it's taken me longer than most people I know...so what if my knee was sore...SO WHAT!! I have lost 70 lbs (72 as of today thank you very much) and know that I am physically and mentally stronger than I have EVER been in my life. I was chatting with Ben on the way home from my workout on Friday evening and he helped me (special mention also goes to Holly who has also taken the time and compassion to discuss this with me) - to realize my accomplishments OTHER than the scale - I have specified some of them in my blog post 20 things! but now what I really need to do is read each and every one of them again and live them. My health overall is SO much better than it used to be. My blood pressure is nice and low and I'm almost off my Seroquel entirely. My clothes are so loose on me it's almost to point of ridiculous...there are so many other accomplishments I have made OTHER than the stupid scale and I must keep remembering that. The scale does not define who I am or who I will become.
I also realized something just a few minutes ago...I only have 28 pounds more to go until I reach the 100 lb mark...100 lbs off my body - 100lbs off my joints...I know I set a goal of that as stated in First Fill and a NSV! but have now decided that I don't care how long it takes me...I will take as long as I need to do accomplish this goal - NO PRESSURE!
I have come a long way since I walked through the doors at ALIVE...I've gone from a sad, 358 lb woman with absolutely no self-esteem to who I am today - I'm now 286 lbs, and I'm strong and determined to reach my goals no matter how long it takes me...there is no time limit to life...I am lucky...I'm lucky to have the life and the friends and family that I have.
One day at a time...one inch, one step, one accomplishment at a time...