Sunday, March 18, 2012

Something has "Clicked" with me

Something has clicked with me...something has finally clicked in my brain.  The past couple of weeks I have really gotten serious...I've eaten clean, cut out MOST sugar, and really gotten serious about my exercise program....and I've lost six pounds.  I have even had some temptations along the way too, and have managed to stay clear of them.  I feel more sure of myself and more confident.  I have also been tracking EVERYTHING I put in my mouth - I've been using - it's such a super great food and exercise tracking application.  The food database has EVERY kind of food in it.  It's amazing and I would recommend it to everyone!

I am a sugar addict.  Plain and simple.  We had a chance to talk about sugar addiction in my lap-band support group class on Wednesday.  Sugar addiction is like what an alcoholic goes through with alcohol.  If they are given just a little bit of alcohol, they will end up binging.  Give a sugar addict even as little as a jelly bean, and they will binge.  I tested out that theory on Friday.  I have picked Friday as my day to eat a little bit out of my rigid schedule.  I ate two jelly beans - and immediately wanted more.  I think I ended up having a handful - and by the end of it, was broken out in such a sugar rush sweat, I could hardly handle it.  Lesson learned...I just can't have sugar around - I binge.  It's a work in progress, but I've done so more more better than I ever have.  Eventually I hope to WILL beat it!

Something else great happened to me this week.  While I was going through some old clothes and putting them in bags ready to get rid of, I came across a pair of jeans that I used to wear when I was 360 lbs.  They were a size 32 and I though I would try them on...just to be sure they still didn't fit.  Yeah right...they HUNG on me...they were MASSIVE!  I asked Brian to take a picture of me - I wanted to see it for myself.  I was laughing when I looked down at myself.  Then I looked at the picture - and bawled my eyes out.  There was this other person looking back at me - I hardly recognized myself.  For the first time since I started this journey of mine, I can really and honestly say I am proud of myself and have really noticed my hard work.  I have decided to keep this pair of jeans and bring them out when I am ever feeling frustrated with my progress.  Get a load of the pic!

I also found out on Tuesday that I got my job permanently.  I am now a permanent employee at the DSC!  I have looked forward to that day for the past seven months...I am happy and I am content...and that's what matters.

I also saw Joanne (my lap-band psychologist) on Friday.  I am making HUGE progress when it comes to my way of thinking, my attitudes toward food, and letting go of the past and staying in the present.  She has been a great resource to me and I am VERY grateful for her. 

Looking forward to more positive experiences this week!  Have a great week everyone!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

My Birthday and Psychologist Visit

I had a really great Birthday this year for my 40th.  It was an opportunity to get the people that I love the most together...there were some people there whom I hadn't seen in a few years and it was really nice to see them.  One of my best friends Heather and her family and my friend Carrie from my CGIT years were there - SO wonderful to see them!  I hope this means we will be seeing more of each other.

When I look back at my pictures from my birthday three years ago - before I started my journey, I am amazed at how far I have come.  I am VERY proud and very happy with my progress so far - the pic below is from my Birthday in 2009:

And here is my pic from last weekend:

Not only have I lost weight, but I have gained strength, and self-confidence.  I think I look younger in the most recent picture too, which is kinda cool. 

All in was a pretty good day and evening all around.

So...onto other things...for the past couple of weeks, I have been slipping a bit.  While my exercise regime has been pretty good - other than my shitty knees giving me problems from time to time - the "mental" aspect hasn't entirely been there for me.  I've gotten into the pattern of negative self talk from time to time and thought it was best to "nip it in the bud" per say, so I booked an appointment with the Psychologist in my Lap-Band Program.  Her name is Joanne and she's incredible.  In my 50 minute appointment with her, she knew more about me than I could imagine.  I talked to her about all of my stresses, and my self-doubts.  She's a tough cookie - and that's exactly what I needed.  We set up a plan for me to work on some of my issues and she even had me write down everything that we had talked about in the session.  As my "homework assignment" she told me to remember to bring the card back with me to my next appointment and go through each of the points I had written down on the card with her.  When I walked out of her office, I felt like I finally had some control back.  It felt great.

I see her again in two weeks and am looking forward to it!