I have spent some time looking back on my posts - I have blogged here on Blogspot for almost two years - it's hard to believe...I have blogged on and off for years - a friend reminded me yesterday that I still have a blog sitting on Live Journal - which I don't even remember the password to get into to take a look at anyways - so will have to let that go :-) Anyway - as I was looking at some of my posts from 2009 and even a few from 2010, I can see where I have changed...one particular post Perseverance caught my eye... it was going to be the first Christmas without my Mom - and I was in a lot of pain...I still hurt from time to time and miss her and have bouts of crying spells (like the one I had today) but I seem to be managing my feelings about it a heck of a lot better.
One word in particular to describe myself, that crosses my mind when I read back in my blog is the word "pathetic"...now, I don't mean this in a negative way towards myself...I realize now how truly lost and in pain I really was - and how I have managed to "dig and crawl" my way out of it. I have used all the tools available to me...everything from exercise, to my therapist to prescription drugs to even out my mood. I still remember feeling as though I was in a dark well - trying to claw my way up to the top - only to slip and fall back into the darkness. All of this might sound dramatic, but it's true.
I am happy with how I have progressed. I know I will have lapses from time to time...I know I will fall off my "food wagon" and be naughty with my food from time to time...but the whole point is...is that I am HUMAN.
And I am proud of myself and how far I have come.
That is all...