Inner Strength

Wow...the past couple of weeks have been a blur...  I've had so many things - and good things happen to me in such a short period of time.  Two Saturdays ago, my friend Jeanette and I went to the Y together to work out - she was interested in knowing a little more about deadlifts, and the free weights.  I was so excited and happy to show her what I have learned.  As I was showing her how to do a proper deadlift, a guy came up to us and told me that he had been watching me for the past couple of weeks and noticed that I was using great form with all my exercises.  He asked if I had trained with a personal trainer.  I told him yes and he said that it showed.  Anyway, it felt great inside knowing that someone else noticed that I take my exercise regime seriously.  It gave me that extra confidence boost!  Jeanette did a super great job with her deadlifts and I am looking forward to working out with her every other Saturday...it will be great to have a workout buddy and to have someone there to push me!

This past Tuesday, I showed up at my regular spin class.  Tammy, the instructor came up to me as I was setting up my bike before class started.  I have never really talked to her except to say hi and the odd little conversation here and there.  She came right out and told me that she has never met anyone as dedicated to my exercise and my health as me.  She told me that my "cardio endurance must be incredible" and then she told me that I was an inspiration to HER.  I was a inspiration to her??  I was speechless...I mean, I've had my other instructors and trainers say that they are proud of me and that I've done a great job, but never have I been told I'm an inspiration to them.  I've been told by my peers that I inspire them to lead a better lifestyle - but not someone of an authority type figure.  I was taken aback, and very humbled by her comment.  What a great memory to have!

I also ended this week on a really high note.  After being on Seroquel - an anti-psychotic medication that my doctor prescribed for me for my chronic insomnia issues after my mother died - for almost three years, I FINALLY weaned myself off of it entirely.  I have tried four times unsucessfully to get off the stuff and this last time, with a huge amount of patience and perseverance, I did it.  My brain is still feeling some of the aftershock type "twinges" that people can get from ceasing the drug - my doctor says it may take up to six months before it's entirely out of my system, but whatever...I've done it and won't ever be going back.  I would like to extend a HUGE thank you to all of my friends, co-workers and family - in particular my husband Brian - who have been there for me while I have been going through my withdrawl periods.  Your patience and your understanding have been incredible.  Thank you.

I had an interesting experience yesterday morning at the Y while I was working out.  I was laying on my mat in the stretching area doing my ab routine when this woman came and laid down beside me.  She immediately started talking to me.  I was polite, but basically just tuned her out.  That was until she insulted me.  She said "You know, I know of some special shakes that I can sell to people as big as you."  Now, I know what you are probably thinking...WTF!?  Seriously??!!  And I won't lie - I was furious.  But you know what I did?  I laughed at her.  I looked her straight in the eye and said "Well YOU know...there are special drugs that stupid people like you can take and there is botox and creams out there to help with your ugly, wrinkled, over-sun-baked leathery skin!"  I smiled at her again and proceeded to get up - I then told her to have a great day.  As I walked away, I looked back at her and she was still laying there with her mouth gaped open in surprise.  I'm sure she was pretty embarrassed.  I hope she was.  It was a rude, and hurtful thing to say - even if she did think she was meaning well.  The old me probably would have started yelling at her and maybe even popped her one in the mouth.  But I didn't...I walked away and laughed.  Stupid people like that are worth laughing at.  They don't deserve my time and energy.  I am proud of myself.

I am also getting closer to my 100 lb goal.  I don't want to say how many pounds I'm down now as I don't want to jinx it!  It shouldn't be long though...will keep everyone posted!

Love and hugs to all!

K

The "Other" Woman

It's been a bit of an crazy up and down two weeks.

I went to the Y this past Saturday morning to do my usual "crazy" strength training workout.  I love Saturday mornings at the Y.  Everybody there is serious and ready to really work out and train their bodies.  There is hardly any waiting for benches and everyone is courteous to everyone else.  Something happened to me yesterday.  Something I hadn't noticed before.  I was standing there, doing my bicep curls - making sure I was watching myself in the mirror - watching my form...then I did something I have never done before.  I REALLY looked at myself...and the other woman in the mirror hardly looked like me - or so I felt that way.  My jaw dropped.  I almost dropped the weights on my feet in fact lol...as I walked up closer to the mirror to get a closer look, the tears started.  I noticed my collar bones.  I noticed my neck.  I noticed that I didn't have a double chin.  I noticed my eyes.  Then I looked down and noticed the rest of my body - I had a much smaller waist and my legs had some form to them instead of my big old sausage legs. 

I have had people tell me how great I look.  They have been telling me this for a long time now.

The thing is...

Is that I had to finally notice this for MYSELF. 

I'm sure I made quite a scene.  The poor big muscle guy next to me actually dropped what he was doing and came up to me and asked me if I was okay.  My response?  "I'm SO okay!  I am AWESOME thanks!"  He just shrugged his shoulders, and smiled and proceeded to go back to what he was doing.  I went back to doing my bicep curls.  I think I must have done about 100 of those babies, cause man do my biceps hurt today! lol

Sometimes I still feel like 360 lb Kristy.  I will go shopping for clothes and immediately go to the 5-6x section - and then the other woman will smack me upside the head and say "look it!  Smarten up will you?  You are no longer that big anymore - start thinking like the new you!" 

This will all take some time to get used to I am sure of it - but I will get there.  I have lots of time and this is no race.

I also decided last week after going to the blood donor clinic to try and taper off my Seroquel again.  This will be like the third time in trying this.  The nurse at the clinic told me that if they tried to give my blood to someone that needed it, that I could kill them if the Seroquel was still in my blood.  This factor only makes me want to try harder to get off the stuff.  I don't need it anymore.  I am strong and I can do this.  So far, I have felt pretty light headed and weird, but overall I am doing okay.  I wasn't very happy with my weight gain this week as I gained a little - 0.8 lbs only though - but I contribute that to the Seroquel tapering.  My body is trying to adjust to so much and it's probably just freaking out.

Wish me luck!  I am hoping by this time next week, that I will be almost off the stuff.

Hope everyone has a fantastic week!

Kris

A bit of a Tutorial...

I've had two people this week alone ask me how my band works and how it helps me with my weight loss.  The answer to that is...it is a tool.  The only way I have been able to lose the weight is if I WORK with it.  I have to constantly be dilligent that I don't overstuff myself, or eat to feeling full.  I have to eat until I am no longer hungry... that's the difference! 

Below is a quick 1-2 minute video showing how my band works for me:

Hope this helps with some of those questions I have been getting.  I find the Dr.'s voice rather annoying, but it's an informative video nonetheless!

I've had a pretty good week.  I did only manage to lose .1 lbs this week, but that's okay.  I am now down a total of 87.6 lbs and feel great.  I've really done a great job with my nutritional plan too.  I've cut out most (refined) sugar, and cut my wheat consumption drastically.  I got some advice from a pathologist I work for regarding the wheat consumption - he advised me to try to cut it out completely as it raises my inflammatory markers.  Well, I thought I would give it an honest "go" and lo and behold...my knees have had ZERO pain in a week! 

I also decided to do my measurements today too.  I am so happy to report that since I started my journey almost three years ago, I have lost a total of 44.8 inches off of my body in total!  The biggest difference has been in my hips, boobs, and upper arms.  I am finding that the more my skin sags in my lower belly area, the more it's getting harder to measure!  Everything seems to be pulling down...I am so looking foward to the day that my BMI gets to the range where I will be considered for plastic surgery. 

I'm looking forward to a great week...I have my next fill appointment on Thursday.  I have done really well and worked extremely hard the past month and a half.  I hope my surgeon thinks so too!

Happy week everyone!

Something has "Clicked" with me

Something has clicked with me...something has finally clicked in my brain.  The past couple of weeks I have really gotten serious...I've eaten clean, cut out MOST sugar, and really gotten serious about my exercise program....and I've lost six pounds.  I have even had some temptations along the way too, and have managed to stay clear of them.  I feel more sure of myself and more confident.  I have also been tracking EVERYTHING I put in my mouth - I've been using www.myfitnesspal.com - it's such a super great food and exercise tracking application.  The food database has EVERY kind of food in it.  It's amazing and I would recommend it to everyone!

I am a sugar addict.  Plain and simple.  We had a chance to talk about sugar addiction in my lap-band support group class on Wednesday.  Sugar addiction is like what an alcoholic goes through with alcohol.  If they are given just a little bit of alcohol, they will end up binging.  Give a sugar addict even as little as a jelly bean, and they will binge.  I tested out that theory on Friday.  I have picked Friday as my day to eat a little bit out of my rigid schedule.  I ate two jelly beans - and immediately wanted more.  I think I ended up having a handful - and by the end of it, was broken out in such a sugar rush sweat, I could hardly handle it.  Lesson learned...I just can't have sugar around - I binge.  It's a work in progress, but I've done so more more better than I ever have.  Eventually I hope to WILL beat it!

Something else great happened to me this week.  While I was going through some old clothes and putting them in bags ready to get rid of, I came across a pair of jeans that I used to wear when I was 360 lbs.  They were a size 32 and I though I would try them on...just to be sure they still didn't fit.  Yeah right...they HUNG on me...they were MASSIVE!  I asked Brian to take a picture of me - I wanted to see it for myself.  I was laughing when I looked down at myself.  Then I looked at the picture - and bawled my eyes out.  There was this other person looking back at me - I hardly recognized myself.  For the first time since I started this journey of mine, I can really and honestly say I am proud of myself and have really noticed my hard work.  I have decided to keep this pair of jeans and bring them out when I am ever feeling frustrated with my progress.  Get a load of the pic!

I also found out on Tuesday that I got my job permanently.  I am now a permanent employee at the DSC!  I have looked forward to that day for the past seven months...I am happy and I am content...and that's what matters.

I also saw Joanne (my lap-band psychologist) on Friday.  I am making HUGE progress when it comes to my way of thinking, my attitudes toward food, and letting go of the past and staying in the present.  She has been a great resource to me and I am VERY grateful for her. 

Looking forward to more positive experiences this week!  Have a great week everyone!

My Birthday and Psychologist Visit

I had a really great Birthday this year for my 40th.  It was an opportunity to get the people that I love the most together...there were some people there whom I hadn't seen in a few years and it was really nice to see them.  One of my best friends Heather and her family and my friend Carrie from my CGIT years were there - SO wonderful to see them!  I hope this means we will be seeing more of each other.

When I look back at my pictures from my birthday three years ago - before I started my journey, I am amazed at how far I have come.  I am VERY proud and very happy with my progress so far - the pic below is from my Birthday in 2009:

And here is my pic from last weekend:

Not only have I lost weight, but I have gained strength, and self-confidence.  I think I look younger in the most recent picture too, which is kinda cool. 

All in all...it was a pretty good day and evening all around.

So...onto other things...for the past couple of weeks, I have been slipping a bit.  While my exercise regime has been pretty good - other than my shitty knees giving me problems from time to time - the "mental" aspect hasn't entirely been there for me.  I've gotten into the pattern of negative self talk from time to time and thought it was best to "nip it in the bud" per say, so I booked an appointment with the Psychologist in my Lap-Band Program.  Her name is Joanne and she's incredible.  In my 50 minute appointment with her, she knew more about me than I could imagine.  I talked to her about all of my stresses, and my self-doubts.  She's a tough cookie - and that's exactly what I needed.  We set up a plan for me to work on some of my issues and she even had me write down everything that we had talked about in the session.  As my "homework assignment" she told me to remember to bring the card back with me to my next appointment and go through each of the points I had written down on the card with her.  When I walked out of her office, I felt like I finally had some control back.  It felt great.

I see her again in two weeks and am looking forward to it!

Attitude

I've been wanting to blog about this topic for quite some time, but haven't really been in the right frame of mind...but now I seem to be.

As most of you know - I am a Tim Horton's fan.  I love their coffee - it's like crack for me and also since my sister Kathy is a District Manager, I go there frequently.  I go there faithfully on the weekends right before my workouts to get my caffeine fix on.  Ever since I have been going there - and even before I'm sure - there has been this woman that frequents there.  Ok...I know you're thinking...so what??  So a woman frequents Tim Hortons?  Well, this woman - or her actions I should say, have made me think.

This woman is morbidly obese.  She probably weighs about 550 lbs.  She gets around in a scooter and in order to even stand, she has to hold onto something.  She orders about five to six things off the menu and they aren't healthy items.  She has to wear 100% oxygen in order to breathe. 

The first time I saw her, I immediately felt sorry for her.  I felt bad because she obviously hadn't hit "that point" in her life where she had had enough of her body...enough of her limitations...enough of feeling the eyes of people like me on her - ridiculing her. 

But then she opened her mouth and spoke.

She snapped her fingers at the Tim Horton's staff...bellowing out to them to "hurry up" with her order.  She was demanding, impatient and plain out RUDE.  Every time I see her, she's got something nasty to say to someone.  I now just try to avoid looking at her not because of her body, but because of the way she portrays herself. 

Attitude has such a huge impact on anybody, no matter what size you are, but it also comes into play when it comes to weight loss.  If you go about your journey with a piss poor attitude, you are destined to fail.  Sure, there are times where I have felt frustrated with myself and I've wanted to give up.  But each time, I got back up and said "OK let's get this done"  "I'm gonna finish this."  A bad attitude can have an impact as to if you lose or gain that week.  Feeling negative causes stress, which in return causes weight gain. 

So I guess what I am trying to get across is just to have a good attitude.  It will help you in the long run!

Now...on to other things...

I FINALLY got my hair dyed on Saturday.  I had big white stripe down the middle of my scalp from all the grey coming in.  My hairdresser Helen did it for free for my birthday.  She is awesome.  Here is a pic of the finished product!

It's knd of funny, becaue I took a picture of myself right after I left the salon.  It wasn't nearly as good as this one. 

I'm also looking forward to this week.  It's my birthday week!  In just FIVE days I'm going to be 40!  I'm feeling so excited to be turning 40.  I have accomplished so much and I feel great!  I have so much to be thankful for.  There is a big party planned for me on Saturday and I'm so excited to see everyone.  I will be sure to get lots of pictures of the event and post them here

Have a super great week everyone!  And remember...attitude is key!

Happy Bandiversary to Me!!

Wow - can't believe it's already been a year since I've been banded.  It just feels like it was just yesterday, that I was sitting at the Peter Lougheed Hospital's Day Surgery Department, waiting to have my surgery.  I remember that day being very long.  Dr. Church was two hours behind, as he had an emergency appendectomy.  It was all worth the wait though, and then some.  

While I have learned a great deal about myself this past year, I have also learned a great deal about other people - I realized who was my real support and who wasn't.  While it was quite hurtful for me to realize this, I am glad I did.  I am so fortunate to have the friends and family that DO support me and want me to succeed.   

To date, just this year alone, I have lost 58 lbs.  This surpasses the expectations of my dietitians and surgeons who want us (in our Calgary Lap Band Group anyway ) to lose 52 pounds - which is the average of about 1-2 pounds a week.  But for me, the weight loss isn't as important as the awareness of proper eating that I have gained.  I now realize how important it is to chew my food slowly...to rest for at least a minute in between bites...to savour my food.  I have finally considered food as my "fuel" instead of just eating for the hell of it.  I would be lying if I said I ate well 100% of the time.  I don't.  But I don't eat nearly as much as I used to when I weighed 360 pounds - I'm not even close to it. 

I've also found a new love for cardio and I use my spin classes for that.  Because of my arthritic knees, I am unable to jog or even walk quickly now on the treadmill.  Spin class satisfies me.  It's great on my knees, and I get a great calorie burn.  My instructor Jill is phenomenal, and is so motivating.  In a nutshell, I love it.

I am so glad I made the decision to get the band.  There is never a day that goes by that I regret it.  While I realize the surgery isn't for everyone, it was for me. 

I also just realized something.  I need to update some photos...those are coming soon - hopefully next week!

Have a super great week everyone!