Sunday, April 15, 2012

The "Other" Woman

It's been a bit of an crazy up and down two weeks.

I went to the Y this past Saturday morning to do my usual "crazy" strength training workout.  I love Saturday mornings at the Y.  Everybody there is serious and ready to really work out and train their bodies.  There is hardly any waiting for benches and everyone is courteous to everyone else.  Something happened to me yesterday.  Something I hadn't noticed before.  I was standing there, doing my bicep curls - making sure I was watching myself in the mirror - watching my form...then I did something I have never done before.  I REALLY looked at myself...and the other woman in the mirror hardly looked like me - or so I felt that way.  My jaw dropped.  I almost dropped the weights on my feet in fact I walked up closer to the mirror to get a closer look, the tears started.  I noticed my collar bones.  I noticed my neck.  I noticed that I didn't have a double chin.  I noticed my eyes.  Then I looked down and noticed the rest of my body - I had a much smaller waist and my legs had some form to them instead of my big old sausage legs. 

I have had people tell me how great I look.  They have been telling me this for a long time now.

The thing is...

Is that I had to finally notice this for MYSELF

I'm sure I made quite a scene.  The poor big muscle guy next to me actually dropped what he was doing and came up to me and asked me if I was okay.  My response?  "I'm SO okay!  I am AWESOME thanks!"  He just shrugged his shoulders, and smiled and proceeded to go back to what he was doing.  I went back to doing my bicep curls.  I think I must have done about 100 of those babies, cause man do my biceps hurt today! lol

Sometimes I still feel like 360 lb Kristy.  I will go shopping for clothes and immediately go to the 5-6x section - and then the other woman will smack me upside the head and say "look it!  Smarten up will you?  You are no longer that big anymore - start thinking like the new you!" 

This will all take some time to get used to I am sure of it - but I will get there.  I have lots of time and this is no race.

I also decided last week after going to the blood donor clinic to try and taper off my Seroquel again.  This will be like the third time in trying this.  The nurse at the clinic told me that if they tried to give my blood to someone that needed it, that I could kill them if the Seroquel was still in my blood.  This factor only makes me want to try harder to get off the stuff.  I don't need it anymore.  I am strong and I can do this.  So far, I have felt pretty light headed and weird, but overall I am doing okay.  I wasn't very happy with my weight gain this week as I gained a little - 0.8 lbs only though - but I contribute that to the Seroquel tapering.  My body is trying to adjust to so much and it's probably just freaking out.

Wish me luck!  I am hoping by this time next week, that I will be almost off the stuff.

Hope everyone has a fantastic week!



  1. I am so glad you are finally seeing what everyone noticed long ago. Never doubt it, you are amazing! Luv you my friend!!