Pre-op

So - Thursday was the big day...I started my pre-op diet.  For those of you that don't know (which I would find hard to believe, because it's pretty much the only thing I've been talking about lately!) my diet now consists of four Opifast shakes and all of the non-starchy vegetables I want.  This equals about 900 calories a day. 

The first two days - I won't lie...were absolutely brutal.  It's been rough as I've been trying to train my brain to adjust to the fewer calories.  I was weak, headachey, tired, slow (in the head) and of course, cranky!  But I've had AMAZING support from my family, my friends, my co-workers and my other family at ALIVE.  I've been leaning on them for the support I need - I have a hard time for some reason asking for help...I've been that way for a long time...this is going to need to change for me to be successful on this journey and I will be working on it.  Yesterday, when I woke up, I felt quite a bit better and today I feel about the same so hopefully my body has finally started to adjust.  I've also kept up on my workouts - but at a much lighter, modified pace.  Ben has planned all my workouts for me which is really great...the exercise definitely helps me to feel more relaxed and balanced which I need... :-)

This week I was also reminded again, that what I'm doing is for ME...that I need to take care of myself and keep going...on Thursday, I found out that a friend from high school had passed away - he was type one diabetic, smoked, drank, and did drugs...yet another person I have known that has done this to themselves.  He was only 39 years old.  I was in shock as his obituary picture stared back at me.  Why??!  Well, only he knows why he chose the path that he did.  I am just going to keep plugging away and working hard...I have learned some hard lessons, but I have managed to turn them into learning experiences and personal gain.

I'm also learning to eat.  I know this sounds silly, but it's the truth.  Before I started the pre-op diet, I wouldn't really think about what I was putting in my mouth - it just became automatic...for instance - this past Thursday evening when I got home from the gym, I went to the fridge to grab the fixings for my shake...I was ravenous...I glanced up and immediately grabbed a container of blackberries - grabbed three of them and crammed them into my mouth - WITHOUT EVEN THINKING...as I started to chew, I realized - WTF am I doing?!  I immediately realized what I was doing, spit them out and rinsed my mouth out.  I find it amazing how we use food to soothe our emotions - I was frustrated and anxious about starting my pre-op diet - and just grabbed whatever was there - whatever would make me feel better.  I haven't done it since - I think I'm pretty aware of it now and will keep that under control... :-)

So - that's my first few days on pre-op...I really hope these three weeks fly by...I think there is only so much green beans and asparagus I can handle!