Letting Go...

I went to yoga class a couple of weeks ago and there was a cushion on one of the couches...on it was this phrase:


"In the end what matters most is
How well did you live
How well did you love
How well did you learn to let go"


Now - I really love this phrase...I love the whole thing - but what I love the most is the last line.  Speaking for myself, I can truly say THAT is the hardest thing for me to do...I have issues letting go of aspects in my life that don't matter.  And if I can be blunt, I think a huge majority of the population has that issue too.  


For some people, letting go can be as simple as not getting choked when someone butts in front of you in line at Tim Hortons...or getting over a stupid argument with a friend or a family member.  


For me?  Letting go is a heck of a lot more.  It covers such a broad spectrum in my life.  I hold on to things and then explode when it all comes to a head.  This is not such a good thing for someone that is trying to lose as much weight as I have to - and to keep my blood pressure down.  When I hold onto my negative feelings, my anxiety builds up, I lose control and I have an actual anxiety attack.  This hasn't happened for quite a while now, which is fantastic, considering I was having them at least once a week a year and a half ago.  Instead of the anxiety attacks though, I've been feeling anger and resentment - towards myself - which in turn creates anger towards family and friends.  For instance...Brian was eating supper the other night - and was smacking his lips louder than I thought he should be...lol  Yeah I know - how trivial...but it drove me INSANE...I just kept looking at him and telling him to stop it!  I kept telling him it was driving me crazy...Instead of saying that to him, I could have just let it go and ignored it, or politely could have asked him to stop eating that way.   Letting go for me also means giving up control over aspects in my life that I have absolutely no control over - I ruminate about stupid shit that I can't control, or I will let other people's actions bother me.  Control...it's such a strong word for me...I tell myself a lot: "Can I control this?"  the answer usually ends up being no - so I tell myself to Let it go - Kristy - you gotta let it go.  


Letting go for me is also breaking down the barriers that have held me back for so long.  By this I mean dismissing my negative feelings about myself or by trying something new either with my food or my exercise routine.  I remember a training session I had about a month ago with Ben and the first drill he had me do was somersaults...I remember looking at him and laughing out loud - "You really want me to do somersaults?!"  was my reply after watching him do one himself.  I remember thinking - I failed these in gym class in grade eight!  After I stopped laughing, I did one...then did another one right near the end of the session...and you know what?  It wasn't that bad!  


I think if we all "Let Go" in our own ways, the world would be a much happier place!  


Ok - recap from last week...my obsession with my scale, I am happy to say, has become less dramatic...  I have met my goal of weighing myself once per day - instead of 2-3 times a day.  It was a little hard, but I did it.  My goal for next week will be to weigh myself every other day.  I can and will do it.


I did gain one pound this week though.  I contribute it to stress and not documenting my food.  Oh ya...and Easter...lol  One very important lesson I have learned this week is that there are certain foods that just slip right down past my band - and then I don't feel full.  Some of my food choices have not been the greatest...but I now know where I went wrong, and won't do it again.  Also, while the scale may not be reflecting a huge loss, I am losing in inches...everywhere.  My clothes are fitting looser again and it's got me excited.  So, this one pound is not going to get me down...I'm am just going to let that go!  I have every reason to be proud of myself.  I'm 65 pounds down from when I started my weight loss journey and 38 pounds down since my pre-op weight.  My endurance is way up again also - I thought I would have lost it all during my pre/post op periods from my surgery, but I am happy that I have regained that.  I managed to work out every day last week and on Friday - trained with Ben in the morning and then participated in Damir's bootcamp class in the evening.  Yeah I know...two workouts in a day?  It might be a bit excessive for some people, but for me, it's a huge accomplishment.  I'm proud of myself.  I don't say that enough.


How are YOU letting go?