It's late November...and the Christmas season is almost upon us.
Every Christmas since my mom passed away has been a hard time for me. I won't lie - I've been a miserable, negative person to be around. For the past four Christmas's I have had a hard time being cheery and just haven't been in the mood to celebrate the Christmas spirit.
This year seems different.
I woke up one morning last weekend and just decided that enough was enough. Yes, I miss my mom terribly at this time of year, but really...it is time to move on. It's time to be happy and make the most of this season. We haven't even had a tree the past four years because I just felt too sad to even look at one.
Today when we went grocery shopping, I walked myself over to the seasonal department at the WalMart and picked out a wreath that I am proud of putting on our door. Next week - I am planning on picking out a tree!
I am proud of myself - to come this far. I will never forget my mom - especially at this time of year, but I know in my heart, I have finally accepted the fact she is no longer here and I am okay with it.
Now...an update on my band...I saw my dietician a couple of weeks ago. She and I went through my food journals with a fine tooth comb, and while yes, I have a day here and a day there where I went off plan, there is no solid reason as to why I have gained the amount of weight I have. She suggested I see a specialist in Internal Medicine to see if there is another reason behind it. She also suggested I see my surgeon - which I have. He thinks I MAY have a small slip in my band - and set up an Upper GI for December 5th. If this is the case, I will need the band removed.
I've also been doing an awesome boxing class for the past couple of months. My friend Angela and I have been doing it together! We both keep each other motivated each class - in fact, we are the only beginners left in the class since the beginning - I am so proud of us!
The last time I saw my doctor, he began to get on me about my weight. I told him I was frustrated and that I would start seeing my dietician on a regular basis - that I am taking responsibility for my gain, but there is another reason behind it too. As I was leaving the exam room, he shook my hand and looked at me and said "Please don't give up." I looked at him in surprise and said "No, I won't give up - I have come WAY too far to give up."
That is all.
Showing posts with label lap-band. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lap-band. Show all posts
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Reset, Recharge, Re-Commit!
The title says it all.
It's been a roller coaster of a ride the last few months. I haven't been feeling great, both physically and emotionally. I've been gaining weight and not feeling good about myself.
I was in denial. Up until about three weeks ago.
When I got out of bed on a Monday morning, my knees gave out on me. I literally had to crawl to the bathroom. I think this was my "bottoming out point." As I sat on the floor in my bathroom, bawling my eyes out, all I could think of was how could I have let myself get this way again? Why won't my knees work? Oh ya that's right...you fat piece of Sh$t...you did it again - you were given this opportunity and have screwed it all up and gained all the weight back that you lost.
This was not the truth. I knew deep down inside I hadn't gained all the weight back. I knew I had gained some, but refused to get back on the scale. I was fed up with myself.
But I continued to eat crap for the next three days.
Then I did something.
I reached out. I reached out for help. As soon as I got to work that day I called my lapband psychologist. I was lucky to get in to see her the following Monday.
The appointment went as well as can be expected. She listened to me as I poured out my fears and anger to her. Anger at myself, and fear about a loved one. I told her I was ashamed of myself and how I let things get out of control. She encouraged me to keep going and to start thinking of myself again. She also encouraged me to book an appointment with one of the dieticians and for a fill.
I left her office feeling calmer - which was good. I hadn't felt calm in about four months, so this was progress.
I saw the dietcian the next week. I told her I had gained some weight and that I needed to go over my food logs and get back on track. She agreed. When the end of the appointment was nearing, I asked her - "Don't you want to weigh me?" She didn't think it was necessary and thought it would upset me. I told her I wanted to be held accountable for my gain - so I stepped on the scale.
I had gained 40 lbs. Exactly.
I turned to her and told her that no, I wasn't happy, but that it was time for me to move forward. No more looking back. From now on, I was going to be honest with myself, log all my food and keep my exercise up. She liked my plan.
So did I.
I talked to a few other lapbanders online and they encouraged me to start the 5 day pouch test. It was to help me get back on track and start using my band the way it's supposed to - like a tool.
At the end of the pouch test, I lost 11 lbs! I felt great of what I had accomplished.
But most of all...I felt in control again.
I also saw my surgeon on Friday for a fill - while he seemed a bit disappointed with my gain - he was happy to see that I was using all of the resources made available to me to be successful.
I am so fortunate to have the support I do have. I just needed to reach out for help. I'm not really sure why I didn't earlier - I think I was just comfortable lying to myself and trying to stay oblivious to what was happening.
I'm now down a total for the week of 12 lbs. I am so happy with myself - proud of myself. I'm also excited that my dietician "hooked me up" with another member in the Weight Management Program. It's awesome that we can draw support from each other, and I'm looking forward to getting to know her more.
A big thank you to my lapband team, my fellow lapbanders and lapbanders to be! Without you, I would probably still be sitting on my couch, too ashamed to reach out for help.
And have made a new committment to myself to NEVER go down this path again. I will reach out for help when I need it and use my band - my tool - the way it's supposed to be!
It's been a roller coaster of a ride the last few months. I haven't been feeling great, both physically and emotionally. I've been gaining weight and not feeling good about myself.
I was in denial. Up until about three weeks ago.
When I got out of bed on a Monday morning, my knees gave out on me. I literally had to crawl to the bathroom. I think this was my "bottoming out point." As I sat on the floor in my bathroom, bawling my eyes out, all I could think of was how could I have let myself get this way again? Why won't my knees work? Oh ya that's right...you fat piece of Sh$t...you did it again - you were given this opportunity and have screwed it all up and gained all the weight back that you lost.
This was not the truth. I knew deep down inside I hadn't gained all the weight back. I knew I had gained some, but refused to get back on the scale. I was fed up with myself.
But I continued to eat crap for the next three days.
Then I did something.
I reached out. I reached out for help. As soon as I got to work that day I called my lapband psychologist. I was lucky to get in to see her the following Monday.
The appointment went as well as can be expected. She listened to me as I poured out my fears and anger to her. Anger at myself, and fear about a loved one. I told her I was ashamed of myself and how I let things get out of control. She encouraged me to keep going and to start thinking of myself again. She also encouraged me to book an appointment with one of the dieticians and for a fill.
I left her office feeling calmer - which was good. I hadn't felt calm in about four months, so this was progress.
I saw the dietcian the next week. I told her I had gained some weight and that I needed to go over my food logs and get back on track. She agreed. When the end of the appointment was nearing, I asked her - "Don't you want to weigh me?" She didn't think it was necessary and thought it would upset me. I told her I wanted to be held accountable for my gain - so I stepped on the scale.
I had gained 40 lbs. Exactly.
I turned to her and told her that no, I wasn't happy, but that it was time for me to move forward. No more looking back. From now on, I was going to be honest with myself, log all my food and keep my exercise up. She liked my plan.
So did I.
I talked to a few other lapbanders online and they encouraged me to start the 5 day pouch test. It was to help me get back on track and start using my band the way it's supposed to - like a tool.
At the end of the pouch test, I lost 11 lbs! I felt great of what I had accomplished.
But most of all...I felt in control again.
I also saw my surgeon on Friday for a fill - while he seemed a bit disappointed with my gain - he was happy to see that I was using all of the resources made available to me to be successful.
I am so fortunate to have the support I do have. I just needed to reach out for help. I'm not really sure why I didn't earlier - I think I was just comfortable lying to myself and trying to stay oblivious to what was happening.
I'm now down a total for the week of 12 lbs. I am so happy with myself - proud of myself. I'm also excited that my dietician "hooked me up" with another member in the Weight Management Program. It's awesome that we can draw support from each other, and I'm looking forward to getting to know her more.
A big thank you to my lapband team, my fellow lapbanders and lapbanders to be! Without you, I would probably still be sitting on my couch, too ashamed to reach out for help.
And have made a new committment to myself to NEVER go down this path again. I will reach out for help when I need it and use my band - my tool - the way it's supposed to be!
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Have Patience!
Well here I am again...two weeks in a row in fact.
I've had a pretty damn good week, and it ended even better this morning with the awesome news that a friend of a friend had woken up from her two week coma. She had been diagnosed with bacterial pneumonia and had to be intubated. This past Tuesday, her family had been told that all hope was lost and she was not going to wake up, and her lungs were so necrosed from the infection. Well lo and behold, this morning she opened her eyes and knew who everyone was and what was going on. It's going to be a long haul of healing for her, but at least we know she will be fine.
I saw my lap band dietitian and surgeon on Friday. I won't deny it, I was nervous and worried about how the whole thing was going to go down. I chatted for a while with the dietitian and when I told her about what my therapist had told me she was quite disappointed with what I had been told. We also agreed that I had not been coming in enough to get my fills - in other words, I had not been using my band to the fullest. By the end of our meeting, we had made a deal that I was going to make regular monthly appointments to get my fills until I had hit my sweet spot and start losing regularly. She was impressed with the fact that I had lost over 9 lbs in two weeks - but that I need to lean on them more and work my band the way it's supposed to. My surgeon agreed with all of this and was really great with me. When I told him I was considering getting my band removed, he replied with "You know Kristy, there is a reason you were chosen for this surgery. You have the determination, and perseverance and discipline to do this, so I think you just need to have more patience and work the band like it's supposed to." He gave me .4cc's and I have to say, it feels like it's the most restriction I have ever had. I now have a total of 6.6 cc's in my 10 cc band. Other than an episode with some peanut butter yesterday, I've been really cautious with what I put in my mouth and the amount I put in my mouth. I only eat until I am no longer hungry and it feels good. I hope this amount of restriction stays.
Another great thing to happen this week was that I deadlifted 215 lbs on Wednesday. I wasn't sure if I could do it, but with Patrick and Brian pushing me and supporting me to get there, I did it. It felt so good to get back to that point again. My knees felt good aftewards and the only thing to bother me a bit was my right elbow - which is kind of weird but whatever. I am hoping to up the weight by 5 lbs this week so we will see.
Also, on Friday I when I stepped on the scale, I managed to lose 1.3 lbs. That's 9.3 lbs in two weeks! I have been so careful with what I've been eating lately. I do admit, I have had a couple of minor oops's at work, but I've really tried hard to use my willpower skills :-)
This week is going to be even better...I can feel it!
Have a great week everyone!
I've had a pretty damn good week, and it ended even better this morning with the awesome news that a friend of a friend had woken up from her two week coma. She had been diagnosed with bacterial pneumonia and had to be intubated. This past Tuesday, her family had been told that all hope was lost and she was not going to wake up, and her lungs were so necrosed from the infection. Well lo and behold, this morning she opened her eyes and knew who everyone was and what was going on. It's going to be a long haul of healing for her, but at least we know she will be fine.
I saw my lap band dietitian and surgeon on Friday. I won't deny it, I was nervous and worried about how the whole thing was going to go down. I chatted for a while with the dietitian and when I told her about what my therapist had told me she was quite disappointed with what I had been told. We also agreed that I had not been coming in enough to get my fills - in other words, I had not been using my band to the fullest. By the end of our meeting, we had made a deal that I was going to make regular monthly appointments to get my fills until I had hit my sweet spot and start losing regularly. She was impressed with the fact that I had lost over 9 lbs in two weeks - but that I need to lean on them more and work my band the way it's supposed to. My surgeon agreed with all of this and was really great with me. When I told him I was considering getting my band removed, he replied with "You know Kristy, there is a reason you were chosen for this surgery. You have the determination, and perseverance and discipline to do this, so I think you just need to have more patience and work the band like it's supposed to." He gave me .4cc's and I have to say, it feels like it's the most restriction I have ever had. I now have a total of 6.6 cc's in my 10 cc band. Other than an episode with some peanut butter yesterday, I've been really cautious with what I put in my mouth and the amount I put in my mouth. I only eat until I am no longer hungry and it feels good. I hope this amount of restriction stays.
Another great thing to happen this week was that I deadlifted 215 lbs on Wednesday. I wasn't sure if I could do it, but with Patrick and Brian pushing me and supporting me to get there, I did it. It felt so good to get back to that point again. My knees felt good aftewards and the only thing to bother me a bit was my right elbow - which is kind of weird but whatever. I am hoping to up the weight by 5 lbs this week so we will see.
Also, on Friday I when I stepped on the scale, I managed to lose 1.3 lbs. That's 9.3 lbs in two weeks! I have been so careful with what I've been eating lately. I do admit, I have had a couple of minor oops's at work, but I've really tried hard to use my willpower skills :-)
This week is going to be even better...I can feel it!
Have a great week everyone!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Prove Them Wrong
I have to be honest here...I've been a bad blogger. I haven't kept up to date with it - I used to blog every week, and I don't really know why I've stopped, but starting today, I'm going to really try to make the effort to blog more. I find it therapeutic and it helps me with my weight loss efforts.
I've had a lot to think about as of late. For a while, I couldn't get what my therapist told me out of my head the last time I saw her. I was so angry with her. She is supposed to be a person of trust and knowledge and support. I felt none of that after I saw her. I fact, I have felt the most alone in my journey than I have EVER. Then my lap-band friend Angela sat me down and we had a good chat. She too, was also taken aback with the therapist's comments. We went over my food journals and had a good chat about everything. Then she told me something that has been resonating in my head for weeks now. "PROVE THEM WRONG." "Prove to them Kristy that you can do this...that you have it in yourself to do this and get it done." Thank you Angela...you have inspired me yet again to get back on track and work harder! Your support means the world to me.
So I've done just that. Yes it's taken me a few weeks to get over my pity party, but I'm doing it. I lost EIGHT pounds last week alone. How did I do this? I went through my food journal and figured out I was eating WAY too many carbs...and I was over-eating on the weekends too. Both of these I have managed to fix. I have also increased my cardio and have added it into EVERY workout. Also last week, I managed to sleep a heck of a lot better too. I'm not quite sure how I managed that, but I did. I also focused a lot more on saying NO to crap at work. We had a celebration for a co-worker on Thursday and I allowed myself a piece of cake..but it was a SMALL piece. Hey...you gotta start somewhere!
I had kind of a discouraging visit with my doctor on Wednesday. My knees are so painful and swollen at the moment. I asked him for a refill on my Arthrotec - to which he told me that he wanted me to cut down almost entirely on that and just take Extra Strength Tylenol! He told me the Arthrotec could cause kidney, liver and stomach issues. Then he told me to get a cane. I almost laughed out loud -- thought he was kidding. He wasn't. He also gave me another prescription for Arthrotec - but only to be taken on my "Flare up" days...which is almost every day right now...and he also gave me and rx for a new type of ointment that is loaded with analgesics. Then he got on me about my weight again. I told him I was trying my best and he just told me it was EXTREMELY critical that I get this weight off. His words have given me even more of an incentive to try harder to lose the weight and get my knees better. I am not a surgical candidate either, so it is really time for me to buckle down and get this done.
So that is where I am at right now. I am going to prove them (the lap band support group leaders) that I can do this MY way. But most of all, I am going to prove it to myself that I am capable and strong enough to get this done.
That is all. Stay tuned!
I've had a lot to think about as of late. For a while, I couldn't get what my therapist told me out of my head the last time I saw her. I was so angry with her. She is supposed to be a person of trust and knowledge and support. I felt none of that after I saw her. I fact, I have felt the most alone in my journey than I have EVER. Then my lap-band friend Angela sat me down and we had a good chat. She too, was also taken aback with the therapist's comments. We went over my food journals and had a good chat about everything. Then she told me something that has been resonating in my head for weeks now. "PROVE THEM WRONG." "Prove to them Kristy that you can do this...that you have it in yourself to do this and get it done." Thank you Angela...you have inspired me yet again to get back on track and work harder! Your support means the world to me.
So I've done just that. Yes it's taken me a few weeks to get over my pity party, but I'm doing it. I lost EIGHT pounds last week alone. How did I do this? I went through my food journal and figured out I was eating WAY too many carbs...and I was over-eating on the weekends too. Both of these I have managed to fix. I have also increased my cardio and have added it into EVERY workout. Also last week, I managed to sleep a heck of a lot better too. I'm not quite sure how I managed that, but I did. I also focused a lot more on saying NO to crap at work. We had a celebration for a co-worker on Thursday and I allowed myself a piece of cake..but it was a SMALL piece. Hey...you gotta start somewhere!
I had kind of a discouraging visit with my doctor on Wednesday. My knees are so painful and swollen at the moment. I asked him for a refill on my Arthrotec - to which he told me that he wanted me to cut down almost entirely on that and just take Extra Strength Tylenol! He told me the Arthrotec could cause kidney, liver and stomach issues. Then he told me to get a cane. I almost laughed out loud -- thought he was kidding. He wasn't. He also gave me another prescription for Arthrotec - but only to be taken on my "Flare up" days...which is almost every day right now...and he also gave me and rx for a new type of ointment that is loaded with analgesics. Then he got on me about my weight again. I told him I was trying my best and he just told me it was EXTREMELY critical that I get this weight off. His words have given me even more of an incentive to try harder to lose the weight and get my knees better. I am not a surgical candidate either, so it is really time for me to buckle down and get this done.
So that is where I am at right now. I am going to prove them (the lap band support group leaders) that I can do this MY way. But most of all, I am going to prove it to myself that I am capable and strong enough to get this done.
That is all. Stay tuned!
Sunday, September 9, 2012
As Good As It Gets??
For the past three days I've been trying to figure out what to post. I've been in kind of a bad place as of late. I've allowed some negative feelings to get the best of me and I haven't made the greatest of food choices. I have even decreased my exercise the past couple of weeks.
It all kind of came to a head this past Tuesday morning when I saw the psychologist in my lap band program. I have been seeing her monthly for follow up visits and to just touch base with how everything has been going for me. I told her that I was feeling very frustrated with how I was feeling - that I felt like I wasnt making any progress. She then said something that has been resonating in my head over and over... "Kristy - you must start to accept your body just the way it is now." "You really won't be losing much more and you need to accept that."
Uhhhh...pardon me...but WTF?!?!?! Accept my body the way it is??? The last I checked, I still have 110lbs to lose. I'm sorry, but no - I can't accept that.
And that's just what I told her. I will not and won't accept that. I spent 20+ years saying that to myself - lying to myself and telling myself that it was okay to be as fat as I was. That's how I got up to 360 lbs...that's NOT okay. Her response to all of that was, that she was discharging me from her care and that she felt I didn't need her - that I could do the rest of it without her.
Do the rest without HER??? I wanted to tell her to get over herself - but I all I could manage to mumble was thank you and goodbye.
So ya. I've been angry and hurt and then angry some more. Angry that she told me this and angry that she's probably telling other people in my group the same thing.
I also saw my new doctor about a week ago for my physical. He said I was in terrific shape for someone my age. He was pleased with my BP (although it was up a little bit - I contribute it to the fact that he's really nice to look at and he made me nervous) and my cholesterol and blood sugar were all normal...my ECG was normal and everything else...everything else BUT...
Ya you guessed it...my weight. He was different from all of the other doctors that have discussed the weight issue with me tho. He was patient but was very frank with me. We talked about how my knees have been in the worst shape of my life the past month. My good knee now clicks and cracks and is swollen. I can no longer do squats or lunges. In fact, two weeks ago at the gym, I had to take the elevator instead of the stairs up to the weight room floor. I was mortified and embarrassed with myself. I just couldn't get my knees to even bend in the manner you need to get up a simple flight of stairs....so, I took most of last week off and tried to rest them the best I could. I went back today to do my cardio, and I could get up the stairs, although slowly.
Anyway - back to my doctor's appt. He told me if I didn't lose the weight, I probably wouldn't be able to walk by the time I reach 45. All the meds in the world couldn't help - I need to get this weight off. I wholeheartedly agreed with him. I know I need to do this...get the weight off to help my knees.
So I guess the major point of my post was to get some stuff off my chest. I WILL continue on this journey of weight loss and I will NOT accept the way things are.
So this week my goals are:
1. NO WHEAT!
2. Exercise every day but Wednesday.
3. NO cheating at work.
4. Be nice to my knees :-)
5. Stay FOCUSED
It's gonna be a good week...See?? I knew that posting this blog tonight would make me feel better!
Cheers!
Kris
It all kind of came to a head this past Tuesday morning when I saw the psychologist in my lap band program. I have been seeing her monthly for follow up visits and to just touch base with how everything has been going for me. I told her that I was feeling very frustrated with how I was feeling - that I felt like I wasnt making any progress. She then said something that has been resonating in my head over and over... "Kristy - you must start to accept your body just the way it is now." "You really won't be losing much more and you need to accept that."
Uhhhh...pardon me...but WTF?!?!?! Accept my body the way it is??? The last I checked, I still have 110lbs to lose. I'm sorry, but no - I can't accept that.
And that's just what I told her. I will not and won't accept that. I spent 20+ years saying that to myself - lying to myself and telling myself that it was okay to be as fat as I was. That's how I got up to 360 lbs...that's NOT okay. Her response to all of that was, that she was discharging me from her care and that she felt I didn't need her - that I could do the rest of it without her.
Do the rest without HER??? I wanted to tell her to get over herself - but I all I could manage to mumble was thank you and goodbye.
So ya. I've been angry and hurt and then angry some more. Angry that she told me this and angry that she's probably telling other people in my group the same thing.
I also saw my new doctor about a week ago for my physical. He said I was in terrific shape for someone my age. He was pleased with my BP (although it was up a little bit - I contribute it to the fact that he's really nice to look at and he made me nervous) and my cholesterol and blood sugar were all normal...my ECG was normal and everything else...everything else BUT...
Ya you guessed it...my weight. He was different from all of the other doctors that have discussed the weight issue with me tho. He was patient but was very frank with me. We talked about how my knees have been in the worst shape of my life the past month. My good knee now clicks and cracks and is swollen. I can no longer do squats or lunges. In fact, two weeks ago at the gym, I had to take the elevator instead of the stairs up to the weight room floor. I was mortified and embarrassed with myself. I just couldn't get my knees to even bend in the manner you need to get up a simple flight of stairs....so, I took most of last week off and tried to rest them the best I could. I went back today to do my cardio, and I could get up the stairs, although slowly.
Anyway - back to my doctor's appt. He told me if I didn't lose the weight, I probably wouldn't be able to walk by the time I reach 45. All the meds in the world couldn't help - I need to get this weight off. I wholeheartedly agreed with him. I know I need to do this...get the weight off to help my knees.
So I guess the major point of my post was to get some stuff off my chest. I WILL continue on this journey of weight loss and I will NOT accept the way things are.
So this week my goals are:
1. NO WHEAT!
2. Exercise every day but Wednesday.
3. NO cheating at work.
4. Be nice to my knees :-)
5. Stay FOCUSED
It's gonna be a good week...See?? I knew that posting this blog tonight would make me feel better!
Cheers!
Kris
Sunday, April 1, 2012
A bit of a Tutorial...
I've had two people this week alone ask me how my band works and how it helps me with my weight loss. The answer to that is...it is a tool. The only way I have been able to lose the weight is if I WORK with it. I have to constantly be dilligent that I don't overstuff myself, or eat to feeling full. I have to eat until I am no longer hungry... that's the difference!
Below is a quick 1-2 minute video showing how my band works for me:
Hope this helps with some of those questions I have been getting. I find the Dr.'s voice rather annoying, but it's an informative video nonetheless!
I've had a pretty good week. I did only manage to lose .1 lbs this week, but that's okay. I am now down a total of 87.6 lbs and feel great. I've really done a great job with my nutritional plan too. I've cut out most (refined) sugar, and cut my wheat consumption drastically. I got some advice from a pathologist I work for regarding the wheat consumption - he advised me to try to cut it out completely as it raises my inflammatory markers. Well, I thought I would give it an honest "go" and lo and behold...my knees have had ZERO pain in a week!
I also decided to do my measurements today too. I am so happy to report that since I started my journey almost three years ago, I have lost a total of 44.8 inches off of my body in total! The biggest difference has been in my hips, boobs, and upper arms. I am finding that the more my skin sags in my lower belly area, the more it's getting harder to measure! Everything seems to be pulling down...I am so looking foward to the day that my BMI gets to the range where I will be considered for plastic surgery.
I'm looking forward to a great week...I have my next fill appointment on Thursday. I have done really well and worked extremely hard the past month and a half. I hope my surgeon thinks so too!
Happy week everyone!
Below is a quick 1-2 minute video showing how my band works for me:
Hope this helps with some of those questions I have been getting. I find the Dr.'s voice rather annoying, but it's an informative video nonetheless!
I've had a pretty good week. I did only manage to lose .1 lbs this week, but that's okay. I am now down a total of 87.6 lbs and feel great. I've really done a great job with my nutritional plan too. I've cut out most (refined) sugar, and cut my wheat consumption drastically. I got some advice from a pathologist I work for regarding the wheat consumption - he advised me to try to cut it out completely as it raises my inflammatory markers. Well, I thought I would give it an honest "go" and lo and behold...my knees have had ZERO pain in a week!
I also decided to do my measurements today too. I am so happy to report that since I started my journey almost three years ago, I have lost a total of 44.8 inches off of my body in total! The biggest difference has been in my hips, boobs, and upper arms. I am finding that the more my skin sags in my lower belly area, the more it's getting harder to measure! Everything seems to be pulling down...I am so looking foward to the day that my BMI gets to the range where I will be considered for plastic surgery.
I'm looking forward to a great week...I have my next fill appointment on Thursday. I have done really well and worked extremely hard the past month and a half. I hope my surgeon thinks so too!
Happy week everyone!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Something has "Clicked" with me
Something has clicked with me...something has finally clicked in my brain. The past couple of weeks I have really gotten serious...I've eaten clean, cut out MOST sugar, and really gotten serious about my exercise program....and I've lost six pounds. I have even had some temptations along the way too, and have managed to stay clear of them. I feel more sure of myself and more confident. I have also been tracking EVERYTHING I put in my mouth - I've been using www.myfitnesspal.com - it's such a super great food and exercise tracking application. The food database has EVERY kind of food in it. It's amazing and I would recommend it to everyone!
I am a sugar addict. Plain and simple. We had a chance to talk about sugar addiction in my lap-band support group class on Wednesday. Sugar addiction is like what an alcoholic goes through with alcohol. If they are given just a little bit of alcohol, they will end up binging. Give a sugar addict even as little as a jelly bean, and they will binge. I tested out that theory on Friday. I have picked Friday as my day to eat a little bit out of my rigid schedule. I ate two jelly beans - and immediately wanted more. I think I ended up having a handful - and by the end of it, was broken out in such a sugar rush sweat, I could hardly handle it. Lesson learned...I just can't have sugar around - I binge. It's a work in progress, but I've done so more more better than I ever have. Eventually Ihope to WILL beat it!
Something else great happened to me this week. While I was going through some old clothes and putting them in bags ready to get rid of, I came across a pair of jeans that I used to wear when I was 360 lbs. They were a size 32 and I though I would try them on...just to be sure they still didn't fit. Yeah right...they HUNG on me...they were MASSIVE! I asked Brian to take a picture of me - I wanted to see it for myself. I was laughing when I looked down at myself. Then I looked at the picture - and bawled my eyes out. There was this other person looking back at me - I hardly recognized myself. For the first time since I started this journey of mine, I can really and honestly say I am proud of myself and have really noticed my hard work. I have decided to keep this pair of jeans and bring them out when I am ever feeling frustrated with my progress. Get a load of the pic!
I also found out on Tuesday that I got my job permanently. I am now a permanent employee at the DSC! I have looked forward to that day for the past seven months...I am happy and I am content...and that's what matters.
I also saw Joanne (my lap-band psychologist) on Friday. I am making HUGE progress when it comes to my way of thinking, my attitudes toward food, and letting go of the past and staying in the present. She has been a great resource to me and I am VERY grateful for her.
Looking forward to more positive experiences this week! Have a great week everyone!
I am a sugar addict. Plain and simple. We had a chance to talk about sugar addiction in my lap-band support group class on Wednesday. Sugar addiction is like what an alcoholic goes through with alcohol. If they are given just a little bit of alcohol, they will end up binging. Give a sugar addict even as little as a jelly bean, and they will binge. I tested out that theory on Friday. I have picked Friday as my day to eat a little bit out of my rigid schedule. I ate two jelly beans - and immediately wanted more. I think I ended up having a handful - and by the end of it, was broken out in such a sugar rush sweat, I could hardly handle it. Lesson learned...I just can't have sugar around - I binge. It's a work in progress, but I've done so more more better than I ever have. Eventually I
Something else great happened to me this week. While I was going through some old clothes and putting them in bags ready to get rid of, I came across a pair of jeans that I used to wear when I was 360 lbs. They were a size 32 and I though I would try them on...just to be sure they still didn't fit. Yeah right...they HUNG on me...they were MASSIVE! I asked Brian to take a picture of me - I wanted to see it for myself. I was laughing when I looked down at myself. Then I looked at the picture - and bawled my eyes out. There was this other person looking back at me - I hardly recognized myself. For the first time since I started this journey of mine, I can really and honestly say I am proud of myself and have really noticed my hard work. I have decided to keep this pair of jeans and bring them out when I am ever feeling frustrated with my progress. Get a load of the pic!
I also found out on Tuesday that I got my job permanently. I am now a permanent employee at the DSC! I have looked forward to that day for the past seven months...I am happy and I am content...and that's what matters.
I also saw Joanne (my lap-band psychologist) on Friday. I am making HUGE progress when it comes to my way of thinking, my attitudes toward food, and letting go of the past and staying in the present. She has been a great resource to me and I am VERY grateful for her.
Looking forward to more positive experiences this week! Have a great week everyone!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Another week down...
I enjoyed this past week...
And then the weekend came.
For some stupid/strange reason, I don't like the weekends. The weekends are supposed to give me all the time in the world to myself - to relax and rejuvenate and get rid of the stress from the week.
But for me - it's the total opposite.
Call me crazy, but I enjoy my work week and the whole routine it brings to my life. It feels structured, and I feel in control. On the weekends, I find I think too much...and I don't feel in control of myself. Eventually this will all catch up with me I'm sure - eventually I will have to relax and have some fun.
Anyway...on to the important stuff!
I went to my lap-band support group meeting on Wednesday - that was probably the highlight of my week. I really enjoy seeing all of my fellow lap banders and see how each and every one of them is doing. I was really happy to see my friend Ginny who had recently been in the hospital - and was really happy to see that she was doing better. I also learned more about my band and how it works - there were details about it that I didn't even know about - I knew I had to eat slowly with it, but didn't realize just HOW slowly I am supposed to be eating. All along, I have been eating WAY more quickly than I should be. I took into consideration everything that was shown to me and am proud to say I have not had anything stuck since Wednesday! I am finding now that I have had a recent fill also, that I am eating less. I also stay fuller longer, and that's a good thing.
I went back to yoga tonight too. I haven't been in a couple of weeks and was really missing it. I love my yoga class on Sundays. It gives me the opportunity to unwind and relax. Most of all tho - I don't have to think about anything!
I worked out five times this week - and am proud of that. The Crossfit classes with Kendra were particularly brutal with Thursday's class being the hardest. It was an hour full of exercises that worked on all the small core muscles and such. Each exercise, we did 100 reps worth! By the end of the class, I was dizzy and felt like throwing up. Needless to say - the pain in my abs finally went away this morning. Must have been a good workout!
I hope everyone has a great week...
Cheers!
K
And then the weekend came.
For some stupid/strange reason, I don't like the weekends. The weekends are supposed to give me all the time in the world to myself - to relax and rejuvenate and get rid of the stress from the week.
But for me - it's the total opposite.
Call me crazy, but I enjoy my work week and the whole routine it brings to my life. It feels structured, and I feel in control. On the weekends, I find I think too much...and I don't feel in control of myself. Eventually this will all catch up with me I'm sure - eventually I will have to relax and have some fun.
Anyway...on to the important stuff!
I went to my lap-band support group meeting on Wednesday - that was probably the highlight of my week. I really enjoy seeing all of my fellow lap banders and see how each and every one of them is doing. I was really happy to see my friend Ginny who had recently been in the hospital - and was really happy to see that she was doing better. I also learned more about my band and how it works - there were details about it that I didn't even know about - I knew I had to eat slowly with it, but didn't realize just HOW slowly I am supposed to be eating. All along, I have been eating WAY more quickly than I should be. I took into consideration everything that was shown to me and am proud to say I have not had anything stuck since Wednesday! I am finding now that I have had a recent fill also, that I am eating less. I also stay fuller longer, and that's a good thing.
I went back to yoga tonight too. I haven't been in a couple of weeks and was really missing it. I love my yoga class on Sundays. It gives me the opportunity to unwind and relax. Most of all tho - I don't have to think about anything!
I worked out five times this week - and am proud of that. The Crossfit classes with Kendra were particularly brutal with Thursday's class being the hardest. It was an hour full of exercises that worked on all the small core muscles and such. Each exercise, we did 100 reps worth! By the end of the class, I was dizzy and felt like throwing up. Needless to say - the pain in my abs finally went away this morning. Must have been a good workout!
I hope everyone has a great week...
Cheers!
K
Sunday, September 25, 2011
The Easy Way Out...
Alright...I really need to get something off my chest...and since this is my blog, I don't think there's a better place!
Within this past week I have had two people approach me and tell me that they feel I have taken the "easy way out" with regards to my lap-band surgery. While I feel I don't need to justify to anyone the reason why I chose that route, I feel I just need to get it off my chest.
By no means have I taken the easy way out. I had to go through a very tedious process to even be CONSIDERED to be put on the list for the surgery! I had to go to classes bi-weekly and hand in my food and exercise journals. I had to lose a certain percentage of bodyweight - I had to prove that I could do some of it without the surgery.
Let's also not forget the 5-6 times that I trained with Ben and Kendra...they put me through workouts that were so intense that I could hardly walk most days. I also had to do the dreaded three week pre op diet - which in fact, was the hardest thing by far that I had to do. I was on 900 calories a day...three Opifast shakes and all the green veggies I cold eat. Still to this day, I am still unable to eat green beans. And - throughout this pre op diet period, I didn't miss a workout. I even worked out the morning of my surgery at 7am! Yeah - it was a pretty tame workout, but a workout nonethless!
The lap-band by no means, is a quick fix...it's only to be used as a TOOL. It has taught me to eat more slowly and savour each bite. I have had my "stuck" issues and have been freaked out - but have learned from them. I am still able to eat those nasty "slider" foods too - and that's something that I've been trying to train myself not to do.
So there - I'm done...and I won't be discussing it anymore - if you feel the need to say to me that I took the easy way out - please keep it to yourself. You have no idea what I have gone through to get to where I am now.
Alright...on to my week...it was BUSY!! My workouts were awesome...my friend Angela joined me in spin class on Monday - she was a trooper and did so well! Tuesday and Thursday I did Kendra's Bootcamps...Wednesday I tried another class at the YMCA which I actually wasn't really fond of - so I will be doing Wednesday evenings on my own from now on. On Saturday I went to the YMCA for an appt with one of the trainers there to show me how the FITLINXX System works. He sat down with me for 30 mins and discussed what my fitness experiences have been. He helped incorporate some of the exercises I have learned from Ben. It went a lot quicker than I thought as Ben has taught me well. It's going to be awesome to be going back to some of the exercises that Ben and I used to do. In fact, I went to the YMCA this afternoon, and tested it out. I was excited to be doing lat-pull downs and seated rows again! I am also thinking of picking up another class - a cycling one that is held on Sunday mornings...I can't believe it, but I think I am getting addicted to cycling/spin...who knew!
Work has been CRAZY...but yes, the answer is...I am still happy and know that it's been the best decision by far that I have made.
Woohoo! I'm getting my exercise routine back...I am starting to feel more confident and definitely more happy.
Happy week everyone!
Within this past week I have had two people approach me and tell me that they feel I have taken the "easy way out" with regards to my lap-band surgery. While I feel I don't need to justify to anyone the reason why I chose that route, I feel I just need to get it off my chest.
By no means have I taken the easy way out. I had to go through a very tedious process to even be CONSIDERED to be put on the list for the surgery! I had to go to classes bi-weekly and hand in my food and exercise journals. I had to lose a certain percentage of bodyweight - I had to prove that I could do some of it without the surgery.
Let's also not forget the 5-6 times that I trained with Ben and Kendra...they put me through workouts that were so intense that I could hardly walk most days. I also had to do the dreaded three week pre op diet - which in fact, was the hardest thing by far that I had to do. I was on 900 calories a day...three Opifast shakes and all the green veggies I cold eat. Still to this day, I am still unable to eat green beans. And - throughout this pre op diet period, I didn't miss a workout. I even worked out the morning of my surgery at 7am! Yeah - it was a pretty tame workout, but a workout nonethless!
The lap-band by no means, is a quick fix...it's only to be used as a TOOL. It has taught me to eat more slowly and savour each bite. I have had my "stuck" issues and have been freaked out - but have learned from them. I am still able to eat those nasty "slider" foods too - and that's something that I've been trying to train myself not to do.
So there - I'm done...and I won't be discussing it anymore - if you feel the need to say to me that I took the easy way out - please keep it to yourself. You have no idea what I have gone through to get to where I am now.
Alright...on to my week...it was BUSY!! My workouts were awesome...my friend Angela joined me in spin class on Monday - she was a trooper and did so well! Tuesday and Thursday I did Kendra's Bootcamps...Wednesday I tried another class at the YMCA which I actually wasn't really fond of - so I will be doing Wednesday evenings on my own from now on. On Saturday I went to the YMCA for an appt with one of the trainers there to show me how the FITLINXX System works. He sat down with me for 30 mins and discussed what my fitness experiences have been. He helped incorporate some of the exercises I have learned from Ben. It went a lot quicker than I thought as Ben has taught me well. It's going to be awesome to be going back to some of the exercises that Ben and I used to do. In fact, I went to the YMCA this afternoon, and tested it out. I was excited to be doing lat-pull downs and seated rows again! I am also thinking of picking up another class - a cycling one that is held on Sunday mornings...I can't believe it, but I think I am getting addicted to cycling/spin...who knew!
Work has been CRAZY...but yes, the answer is...I am still happy and know that it's been the best decision by far that I have made.
Woohoo! I'm getting my exercise routine back...I am starting to feel more confident and definitely more happy.
Happy week everyone!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
My week in a nutshell
I can't believe September is more than half over! In just a few weeks, we will be digging out the parkas, mitts and boots...where did the summer go? I can't believe how quickly it has flown by.
I checked out my first spin class ever on Monday. The class itself is called Turn and Burn. About 70 percent of the class is on the bike and the other percent is spent doing strength/resistance exercises. I was worried that the biking would be hard on my knees...boy was I wrong! It was a great overall workout - great cardio! I enjoyed the strength training exercises too - even if planks were involved! lol...The instructor was awesome too - she went around to each participant and made sure they had their bike set up properly - this made me feel secure knowing that she knew what she was doing. She was also really enthusiastic and motivating...it was also great that my buddy Lorraine joined me - I can't wait until my next class - tomorrow!
My Tuesday/Thursday bootcamps with Kendra were the usual crazy brutalness - Tuesday we did TRX and Thursday we did kickboxing with heavy weights. It was the last two classes until the next round that starts this Tuesday - so she kicked it up a notch.
On Wednesday, I went to my Lap-Band Support Group Meeting. We spent most of the class talking to each other about our experiences - it was neat to see all of the support we show for each other. Wendy, one of the dietitians, brought a few receipes that were on the Lap-Band Connect Website - she actually cooked them and brought them in. I think I enjoyed the Pumpkin, almond oatmeal the best! I was also happy to see that the Health Region is putting more funding into the Calgary Weight Management Program. Not only are they funding 50 surgeries for this upcoming year instead of 25, they are also in the planning stage of looking for an exercise specialist or personal trainer for the program. I think that would be awesome and a great resource!
Friday, I was supposed to have my fifth fill. After waiting for almost three hours, it was decided that there was a clerical/scheduling/communication glitch and the surgeon was in fact, not coming. I was pretty annoyed to say the least, as I had taken time off of work to go there. They are supposed to be rebooking me for this upcoming week. I think I am finally getting close to my "sweet spot" - which would be great as the weight is not coming off as quickly as I woud like. Last month, for instance, I only lost two pounds...I was a bit upset and frustrated when I was talking to the dietitian about it. She told me that at least it wasn't going up and was going in the right direction - that I am doing what I am advised to do that that's all I can do. Then she told me I need to be more gentle with myself. Uhhh...she obviously doesn't know who she is talking to lol...I can't believe the amount of people in the last 6-8 months that have told me that - including my surgeon. I'm not expecting rapid weight loss - in fact, I don't want that at all. But two pounds in a month??? Give me a break!!
Friday evening I headed to the YMCA...all by myself! I started out on the eliptical and rocked it. I was surprised how great on my knees it was. I then proceeded to do three rounds on the strength training machines. I did it by myself and I am proud. I have come a heck of a long way since the beginning of this year. I am no longer nervous about doing it on my own - I can't wait to get hooked up with the FitLinxx System...then I will REALLY rock it!
Saturday I went to my early kickboxing class and loved it. After that, I went and got my knees x-rayed. They have been giving me a lot of problems lately. They are now scraping - bone on bone. I see my doctor in three weeks to go over the results and figure out what the next step is. I just want some progress made - I want to be able to run up and down the stairs and not be in pain. Time will tell...
Saturday evening, my friend Shane and I went to the Stamps game. It was great to people-watch and have a great time and relax...unfortunately tho, they lost - they can't seem to win at home and nobody seems to be able to figure it out.
This week I am looking forward to pushing myself more - I am capable of doing anything I set my mind to. I can do it and I AM doing it.
Have a great week everyone!
I checked out my first spin class ever on Monday. The class itself is called Turn and Burn. About 70 percent of the class is on the bike and the other percent is spent doing strength/resistance exercises. I was worried that the biking would be hard on my knees...boy was I wrong! It was a great overall workout - great cardio! I enjoyed the strength training exercises too - even if planks were involved! lol...The instructor was awesome too - she went around to each participant and made sure they had their bike set up properly - this made me feel secure knowing that she knew what she was doing. She was also really enthusiastic and motivating...it was also great that my buddy Lorraine joined me - I can't wait until my next class - tomorrow!
My Tuesday/Thursday bootcamps with Kendra were the usual crazy brutalness - Tuesday we did TRX and Thursday we did kickboxing with heavy weights. It was the last two classes until the next round that starts this Tuesday - so she kicked it up a notch.
On Wednesday, I went to my Lap-Band Support Group Meeting. We spent most of the class talking to each other about our experiences - it was neat to see all of the support we show for each other. Wendy, one of the dietitians, brought a few receipes that were on the Lap-Band Connect Website - she actually cooked them and brought them in. I think I enjoyed the Pumpkin, almond oatmeal the best! I was also happy to see that the Health Region is putting more funding into the Calgary Weight Management Program. Not only are they funding 50 surgeries for this upcoming year instead of 25, they are also in the planning stage of looking for an exercise specialist or personal trainer for the program. I think that would be awesome and a great resource!
Friday, I was supposed to have my fifth fill. After waiting for almost three hours, it was decided that there was a clerical/scheduling/communication glitch and the surgeon was in fact, not coming. I was pretty annoyed to say the least, as I had taken time off of work to go there. They are supposed to be rebooking me for this upcoming week. I think I am finally getting close to my "sweet spot" - which would be great as the weight is not coming off as quickly as I woud like. Last month, for instance, I only lost two pounds...I was a bit upset and frustrated when I was talking to the dietitian about it. She told me that at least it wasn't going up and was going in the right direction - that I am doing what I am advised to do that that's all I can do. Then she told me I need to be more gentle with myself. Uhhh...she obviously doesn't know who she is talking to lol...I can't believe the amount of people in the last 6-8 months that have told me that - including my surgeon. I'm not expecting rapid weight loss - in fact, I don't want that at all. But two pounds in a month??? Give me a break!!
Friday evening I headed to the YMCA...all by myself! I started out on the eliptical and rocked it. I was surprised how great on my knees it was. I then proceeded to do three rounds on the strength training machines. I did it by myself and I am proud. I have come a heck of a long way since the beginning of this year. I am no longer nervous about doing it on my own - I can't wait to get hooked up with the FitLinxx System...then I will REALLY rock it!
Saturday I went to my early kickboxing class and loved it. After that, I went and got my knees x-rayed. They have been giving me a lot of problems lately. They are now scraping - bone on bone. I see my doctor in three weeks to go over the results and figure out what the next step is. I just want some progress made - I want to be able to run up and down the stairs and not be in pain. Time will tell...
Saturday evening, my friend Shane and I went to the Stamps game. It was great to people-watch and have a great time and relax...unfortunately tho, they lost - they can't seem to win at home and nobody seems to be able to figure it out.
This week I am looking forward to pushing myself more - I am capable of doing anything I set my mind to. I can do it and I AM doing it.
Have a great week everyone!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
4th Fill...small loss!
I had my fourth fill this past Thursday. I saw a different surgeon this time - Dr. Mitchell. He heads the lap-band program for the region and trains new surgeons that come through the program. I liked him. He was blunt and to the point and answered all of the questions that I had. When he was going through my chart and saw how much weight I had lost from last month - I was worried he was going to be disappointed with me. To my surprise, it was the total opposite. I had lost 3 lbs. I wasn't very happy about it, but Dr. Mitchell was. He told me that losing the weight slowly will ensure that I won't ever gain it back. He gave me 0.3 cc's in my band for a total of 4.1 cc's. I feel like I can finally feel some restriction, and I am not hungry for about 3-4 hours after I eat. I am feeling optimistic and know that I am following the right path towards meeting my goal.
My weigh in days are on Fridays - and I was pretty happy this past Friday when I stepped on the scale. I was down 3.6 lbs from a week earlier. I worked hard this week - both on my food and my exercise program. My exercise this week consisted of Kendra's Bootcamp on Tuesday and Thursday, Wednesday I went for another great walk in Fish Creek - came across a mama deer and her baby. I love walking down there - it's so peaceful and it helps me to walk off the stress...Friday I did Damir's bootcamp class - lots of spin bike and upper body stuff...I'm still feeling my upper back muscles this morning - so obviously it was a good workout! My knees are now making scraping noises whenever I walk now. I have an appt with my family doctor - I'm actually feeling a little scared about it....and I'm also feeling a bit frustrated too. I thought that taking some of this weight off would help my knees, but so far, I haven't seen any good results. The osteoarthritis is startng to take over my left knee now too...I guess I will just continue to stay active and keep moving - I hope the doctor can shed some light into this for me. I have something planned every evening this upcoming week - and I'm looking forward to it!
I've been bang on with my food this week too. I've been treating food as fuel - and I'm so proud of myself.
So this week...my goals are:
1. Sip water throughout the day...not just when I feel thirsty.
2. Be active every day
3. Stress...BUST IT...
Have a great one everyone!
My weigh in days are on Fridays - and I was pretty happy this past Friday when I stepped on the scale. I was down 3.6 lbs from a week earlier. I worked hard this week - both on my food and my exercise program. My exercise this week consisted of Kendra's Bootcamp on Tuesday and Thursday, Wednesday I went for another great walk in Fish Creek - came across a mama deer and her baby. I love walking down there - it's so peaceful and it helps me to walk off the stress...Friday I did Damir's bootcamp class - lots of spin bike and upper body stuff...I'm still feeling my upper back muscles this morning - so obviously it was a good workout! My knees are now making scraping noises whenever I walk now. I have an appt with my family doctor - I'm actually feeling a little scared about it....and I'm also feeling a bit frustrated too. I thought that taking some of this weight off would help my knees, but so far, I haven't seen any good results. The osteoarthritis is startng to take over my left knee now too...I guess I will just continue to stay active and keep moving - I hope the doctor can shed some light into this for me. I have something planned every evening this upcoming week - and I'm looking forward to it!
I've been bang on with my food this week too. I've been treating food as fuel - and I'm so proud of myself.
So this week...my goals are:
1. Sip water throughout the day...not just when I feel thirsty.
2. Be active every day
3. Stress...BUST IT...
Have a great one everyone!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Change is a Comin!
It's been a busy week - full of ups and downs...but it's been a good week. On Monday, I had my last training session with Ben. We had a great session outside - and it was one of my most favorite sessions too...we did a variety of drills from medicine ball throws, to small runs up and down a hill, to some ab work. While I do feel sad about not training with him anymore, I know that I CAN do this on my own - he has given me all the tools necessary for me to move forward and do it on my own - and that is exciting for me. He has been such a positive impact on my life and I'm not even close to the person I was two years ago - both physically and mentally. Thank you Ben!
I have decided to join the Y.M.C.A. in Shawnessy. I went there with Ben last Friday and he showed me around - I think it's a place where I will feel comfortable - and there are classes that are included in my membership. I think it will be a place where I can start to make those "connections" again. They also have this self-tracking system called FitLinxx that I can use to track my progress - it's like having my own little personal trainer in a way. I can access it through my computer and see my progress too. I will be buying my membership August 1st, and am looking forward to it!
I had a great time in bootcamp this week too. I had a bit of a NSV (Non-Scale victory) on Thursday. Kendra had a bunch of stations set up for the circuit and one of the stations was a jump rope one. I thought to myself - there is no way I can skip - my knees won't be able to handle it...ANY kind of jumping would be out of the question. So, at the start, I just modified it so I wasn't using the jump-rope, and was mimicking the movement of it all. The second time we did it, I decided to just try it - so I grabbed the rope, and just started skipping....ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR - and I just kept going - until I hit 24 reps and that's when my feet wouldn't go anymore. I was shocked...I hadn't skipped rope since I was in elementary school! I still have the look on Kendra's face in my head. She was helping somone with another exercise and when she turned around and realized it was ME that was jumping rope, she was excited...while my knees have been paying for it the past couple of days, I am very proud of myself that I did it. My body is slowly starting to do things I never thought I could do - and that makes me happy...
I had my third fill for my lap-band on Friday. I saw a different surgeon and we both agreed that I needed a larger fill than normal. I have been able to eat pretty much whatever I want - including bread - which is not a good thing as bread is my kryptonite...he gave me a full cc in my band and I am now up to 3.8 cc's. I have felt the restriction the past couple of days and I am hoping that this will kick start my weight loss once again.
I also found out on Friday, that I will officially be starting my new job back at the DSC on August 2nd. I am looking forward to working with some great people again, and am looking forward to the challenge. It is going to be such a positive experience for me and I am excited to start!
I want to feel more in control - in every aspect of my life. There is a lot of change coming my way - and I am a bit scared and nervous...but I know if I just push myself outside my comfort zone, and work hard to get where I want to be, I know I can do it. While I know I don't have to like change, it is inevitable - and how I deal with it is what matters.
Have a great week everyone!
I have decided to join the Y.M.C.A. in Shawnessy. I went there with Ben last Friday and he showed me around - I think it's a place where I will feel comfortable - and there are classes that are included in my membership. I think it will be a place where I can start to make those "connections" again. They also have this self-tracking system called FitLinxx that I can use to track my progress - it's like having my own little personal trainer in a way. I can access it through my computer and see my progress too. I will be buying my membership August 1st, and am looking forward to it!
I had a great time in bootcamp this week too. I had a bit of a NSV (Non-Scale victory) on Thursday. Kendra had a bunch of stations set up for the circuit and one of the stations was a jump rope one. I thought to myself - there is no way I can skip - my knees won't be able to handle it...ANY kind of jumping would be out of the question. So, at the start, I just modified it so I wasn't using the jump-rope, and was mimicking the movement of it all. The second time we did it, I decided to just try it - so I grabbed the rope, and just started skipping....ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR - and I just kept going - until I hit 24 reps and that's when my feet wouldn't go anymore. I was shocked...I hadn't skipped rope since I was in elementary school! I still have the look on Kendra's face in my head. She was helping somone with another exercise and when she turned around and realized it was ME that was jumping rope, she was excited...while my knees have been paying for it the past couple of days, I am very proud of myself that I did it. My body is slowly starting to do things I never thought I could do - and that makes me happy...
I had my third fill for my lap-band on Friday. I saw a different surgeon and we both agreed that I needed a larger fill than normal. I have been able to eat pretty much whatever I want - including bread - which is not a good thing as bread is my kryptonite...he gave me a full cc in my band and I am now up to 3.8 cc's. I have felt the restriction the past couple of days and I am hoping that this will kick start my weight loss once again.
I also found out on Friday, that I will officially be starting my new job back at the DSC on August 2nd. I am looking forward to working with some great people again, and am looking forward to the challenge. It is going to be such a positive experience for me and I am excited to start!
I want to feel more in control - in every aspect of my life. There is a lot of change coming my way - and I am a bit scared and nervous...but I know if I just push myself outside my comfort zone, and work hard to get where I want to be, I know I can do it. While I know I don't have to like change, it is inevitable - and how I deal with it is what matters.
Have a great week everyone!
Sunday, July 3, 2011
I Am Human
Ummmm...yeah...it's certainly been an interesting week to say the least - an emotional roller coaster of sorts actually, and I've not been very happy about riding it out. Monday started off super-great for me. I received the news that I had gotten the job that I applied for. I will be back working at the DSC - the Diagnostic and Scientific Centre for Calgary Laboratory Services. I have been wanting this change for quite some time. While I will miss my co-workers at the Rockyview, I know I will be much happier doing a job that I love. I have no exact date when I will be moving over there - hopefully there won't be too much of a hold-up.
The rest of the week was stressful...and I can't just pin-point one reason why. It was a multitude of things. The way I dealt with it blew sucked (to put it mildly). I started my cycle again of emotional eating again. I haven't done this in probably over a year now. While I was a bit surprised at what I had done, I was immediately upset with myself - but I kept doing it! My food of choice was of course sugar...I get that instant calmness come over me immediately after putting it in my mouth - but of course within an hour of consuming it, I just wanted to make myself throw up. Since my surgery, I have had a few people come up to me and tell me I took the easy way out - that I should be able to do this with just diet and exercise alone. The lap-band by NO means is a quick fix...I knew this going in and I still believe that. It is only a TOOL and will work for me as long as I am working with it. This means NO ice-cream...NO chocolate...NO cereal in the evenings!
I think what is different about me this time around with this cycle of my emotional eating, is that I have realized that I AM human...I will slip up like this from time to time...and the only thing I can and WILL do is to get back on track and get back into my routine. I have come WAY too far to screw this up. I will start again to use my lap-band as a tool andtry to remember some of the tools I was taught in my weight loss support group: Am I head hungry, stomach hungry or heart hungry? Lately I've noticed I've had a heck a lof of heart hunger and need to THINK before I eat.
Anyone else out there find that they emotionally eat? I would love to hear the strategies you use to combat it...
It is a constant battle for me...but I'm human and I will kick it!
The rest of the week was stressful...and I can't just pin-point one reason why. It was a multitude of things. The way I dealt with it
I think what is different about me this time around with this cycle of my emotional eating, is that I have realized that I AM human...I will slip up like this from time to time...and the only thing I can and WILL do is to get back on track and get back into my routine. I have come WAY too far to screw this up. I will start again to use my lap-band as a tool and
Anyone else out there find that they emotionally eat? I would love to hear the strategies you use to combat it...
It is a constant battle for me...but I'm human and I will kick it!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Happy Anniversary to Me!
Wow...has it really been two years? I'm still finding myself thinking about how crazy of a ride it has been...some days it just seems like yesterday that I walked through the doors at Alive Personal Training and changed my life - for the better. I blogged about my first Anniversary in 20 Things! and am pleased with my progress that I have made over the course of this year. I have gone through so much change physically and mentally, that I have had a few issues in keeping up with it all - but I know with some more determination, hard work and self-reliance, that I can and will reach all of my goals both physically and mentally...
I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you that has taken the time to read my blog, chat with me and support me along the way...losing weight is one of the hardest things to do on earth and your friendships and support have helped me in more ways than can be said.
As many of you know, I do have some issues when it comes to change in my life - and this year so far has proved to be one of the most challenging for me. The biggest change was having my surgery for my lap-band, and getting used to eating less and more slowly - that is still something that I am working on and getting used to and will be for some time. Then, Alive closed and I am now faced with a pretty big change in my exercise routine. I know I can do it and with some adjusting and working through things on my part, I will be able to do anything I set my heart out to do. My trainers Ben and Kendra have helped instill the "exercise bug" in me and I will not stop. For a while I was worried I was going to give up - but every time I thought that way, I would kill it - there is no way I can even phathom the fact of giving up on exercise... I can't wait until next year when I can look back on my pictures again and notice even more changes...
Either way, I will get there...I have my friends and I have my family...but most of all...I have myself. I AM strong and capable of anything I set my mind out to do.
Thanks everyone! :-)
XOXO
Kris
I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you that has taken the time to read my blog, chat with me and support me along the way...losing weight is one of the hardest things to do on earth and your friendships and support have helped me in more ways than can be said.
As many of you know, I do have some issues when it comes to change in my life - and this year so far has proved to be one of the most challenging for me. The biggest change was having my surgery for my lap-band, and getting used to eating less and more slowly - that is still something that I am working on and getting used to and will be for some time. Then, Alive closed and I am now faced with a pretty big change in my exercise routine. I know I can do it and with some adjusting and working through things on my part, I will be able to do anything I set my heart out to do. My trainers Ben and Kendra have helped instill the "exercise bug" in me and I will not stop. For a while I was worried I was going to give up - but every time I thought that way, I would kill it - there is no way I can even phathom the fact of giving up on exercise... I can't wait until next year when I can look back on my pictures again and notice even more changes...
Either way, I will get there...I have my friends and I have my family...but most of all...I have myself. I AM strong and capable of anything I set my mind out to do.
Thanks everyone! :-)
XOXO
Kris
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I am a Warrior
What a great week I have had...I'm pretty sure the reason for that was because I tackled it one day at time instead of looking towards the end of the week...I must remember to do that more often.
One aspect, however, that has been bothering me lately, is the feeling of "disconnection" that I have. I miss the sense of "togetherness" and friendships that I formed at ALIVE...I miss walking into the women's change room and seeing my buddies and then catching up with what was going on in each other's lives...I miss the support and the camaraderie...This past Monday at U-Thrive was the first time since ALIVE closed that I felt a glimpse of that. There were three trainers and their clients working out at the same time - it was busy and it felt good. The music was loud and upbeat and for just a few minutes, it brought me back. I guess I just need to reach out more to those people that I do miss...expect a call, email or BBM soon!
I had my second fill on Thursday...my dietitian Wania, was very excited and super proud of me...I managed to lose just over 10 pounds in the four weeks since I had seen she and Dr. Church. Most of the weight I managed to lose in just the last couple of weeks - I had been on a bit of a plateau, but managed to break through that. Wania also asked me if I would like to do a presentation to the new lapband clients that are new to the program - to tell them my story and to answer any questions they might have. I told her I would love to do that. If I can help someone that was in my same situation just over a year ago, then bring it on. She told me I am everything that they want in the program - that she has never had anyone in the history of the program work as hard as I have. We chatted about my eating patterns, and the only thing she "tweaked" was my snack in between breakfast and lunch - I wasn't having one because I just didn't have time...so now I will be making time starting this week. I ended up getting 0.8 cc's in my band and now have a total of 2.8 cc's in. At first, I was kind of disappointed, as I wanted more saline put in, but the past couple of days have proven to me, that slow and steady wins the race...I do feel quite a bit more restriction than I had.
My exercise this week has been awesome...I have worked out in some form every day...Monday, I trained with Ben - and it was, as always a good session...Tuesday and Thursday I did Kendra's Bootcamp and loved it - I think I worked harder than I have in a long time...I walked just over 5km with Jessica in Fish Creek on Wednesday - we went on the west side of the park - much different than the east - lots more scenery and trees...and of course...mosquitoes! lol... they thought I was tasty I tell ya! Friday came and I had my session with Ben again and Holly joined us! It's always fun when she comes to my sessions...lots of giggles and just plain fun. :-) Saturday I went to Damir's kickboxing class and ended up working one on one with him for the entire time. I am very glad that he gave me quite a few little breaks a long the way - cause by the end of it, I think my face was purple and today I am sporting a few bruises on my legs and my elbows...but I love it. I know for a fact, that I couldn't keep up like that two years ago - I feel great about it...I feel like a warrior...and in a sense I am! I've battled so many "things" the past couple of years - I've battled my thoughts, my insecurities, prescription meds and the anxiety...and I'm going to keep battling to get where I want to be...I'm 75.5 lbs down now...100 lbs down is in my reach - I'm getting excited...
Bring it on!
Have a great week everyone! Stay strong!
One aspect, however, that has been bothering me lately, is the feeling of "disconnection" that I have. I miss the sense of "togetherness" and friendships that I formed at ALIVE...I miss walking into the women's change room and seeing my buddies and then catching up with what was going on in each other's lives...I miss the support and the camaraderie...This past Monday at U-Thrive was the first time since ALIVE closed that I felt a glimpse of that. There were three trainers and their clients working out at the same time - it was busy and it felt good. The music was loud and upbeat and for just a few minutes, it brought me back. I guess I just need to reach out more to those people that I do miss...expect a call, email or BBM soon!
I had my second fill on Thursday...my dietitian Wania, was very excited and super proud of me...I managed to lose just over 10 pounds in the four weeks since I had seen she and Dr. Church. Most of the weight I managed to lose in just the last couple of weeks - I had been on a bit of a plateau, but managed to break through that. Wania also asked me if I would like to do a presentation to the new lapband clients that are new to the program - to tell them my story and to answer any questions they might have. I told her I would love to do that. If I can help someone that was in my same situation just over a year ago, then bring it on. She told me I am everything that they want in the program - that she has never had anyone in the history of the program work as hard as I have. We chatted about my eating patterns, and the only thing she "tweaked" was my snack in between breakfast and lunch - I wasn't having one because I just didn't have time...so now I will be making time starting this week. I ended up getting 0.8 cc's in my band and now have a total of 2.8 cc's in. At first, I was kind of disappointed, as I wanted more saline put in, but the past couple of days have proven to me, that slow and steady wins the race...I do feel quite a bit more restriction than I had.
My exercise this week has been awesome...I have worked out in some form every day...Monday, I trained with Ben - and it was, as always a good session...Tuesday and Thursday I did Kendra's Bootcamp and loved it - I think I worked harder than I have in a long time...I walked just over 5km with Jessica in Fish Creek on Wednesday - we went on the west side of the park - much different than the east - lots more scenery and trees...and of course...mosquitoes! lol... they thought I was tasty I tell ya! Friday came and I had my session with Ben again and Holly joined us! It's always fun when she comes to my sessions...lots of giggles and just plain fun. :-) Saturday I went to Damir's kickboxing class and ended up working one on one with him for the entire time. I am very glad that he gave me quite a few little breaks a long the way - cause by the end of it, I think my face was purple and today I am sporting a few bruises on my legs and my elbows...but I love it. I know for a fact, that I couldn't keep up like that two years ago - I feel great about it...I feel like a warrior...and in a sense I am! I've battled so many "things" the past couple of years - I've battled my thoughts, my insecurities, prescription meds and the anxiety...and I'm going to keep battling to get where I want to be...I'm 75.5 lbs down now...100 lbs down is in my reach - I'm getting excited...
Bring it on!
Have a great week everyone! Stay strong!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Walking...it does a body good!
Finally...the weather has started to cooperate and act (a little) like spring here! I've spent the last two years working out within the walls of ALIVE- I either went on the treadmill, rode the recumbent bike or trained with Ben. The closure has made me go outside my comfort zone a bit and start doing something different...so, on Tuesday, Holly and I went for a walk in Fish Creek...and what a walk it was! I've lived so close to Fish Creek for the past almost SEVEN years and have only ventured there to have picnics, and weenie roasts and stuff like that...
And boy did we walk...8 KM in fact! Holly had her Nike + I-pod application running and we logged everything from how fast we were going, to how far we had gone, to how long it took us. I think it took us 90 mins - but am not sure if that's an accurate number. I have never walked that far in my life and it felt awesome to have done it...I felt like I had accomplished something huge. I have plans to go twice this week - Monday and Wednesday evening...below is a map of Fish Creek - it doesn't really show where we walked on Tuesday evening though...we started at Voiter's Flatts and walked all the way to Glenfield - and around and up the hill to Canyon Meadows Drive - then walked along there and then walked back down into the park and back up to Voiter's Flatts...
Here is a link to the map to the park - it shows more of where we walked:
http://www.tpr.alberta.ca/parks/fishcreek/PDF/fcpp%20map.pdf
I did come up against one obstacle this week...my body. I woke up on Wednesday - I knew that I would be stiff from the walking adventure the evening before - but what I wasn't prepared for was the swelling in my hands and elbows...and it scared me. I couldn't understand why this was happening. I went through most of the day feeling not so great - tired, headache, and even had a slight fever. I went to a class that evening and got through it. I thought the workout would help make me feel better - and it did momentarily - then when I got home - the pain was incredible...I even had pain in my stomach - I hurt everywhere...I went upstairs to my bed and layed down and cried my head off. I kept thinking over and over in my head "Why am I doing this??!" "I don't want to do this anymore - I'm sick of my body and my limitations" "Why can't I do as much as everyone else can?!" "My body is giving up - I want to give up" Then - all of a sudden I stopped crying and realized why I am doing this...I want to be happy...I want to be healthy...I want to see Maggie graduate from high school and University...I just want to be HAPPY... - I just kept saying that over and over to myself. Once I got over my pity party I realized that I my body is going to rebel on me from time to time and I just need to learn how to deal with it. I am strong and independent and will get through this. I just need to believe in myself and believe in what I am capable of. So for the rest of the week - whenever I felt the pain in my knees or feet or anywhere else for that matter, I just told myself that I control the pain - it does not control me.
The scale has been fairly nice to me this week - I lost 1.4 lbs...which is right on track with my 1-2 pounds a week. Considering it was that time of the month, and I did have some stress throughout the week, I am happy with it! I had a great Easter - and had a great time with my family. We went to a buffet and I managed to only eat one plate of food. Before my lapband, I would eat probably two plates FULL. I do feel that I am getting hungry more quickly again - and will need a fill again soon. I see Dr. Church on May 19th for my second fill and am looking forward to it. I bought a new top a couple of weeks ago - it's a 2X! I was wearing between a 2-3XL but now am finally into a 2XL for good. The 3XL hangs on me and looks silly...I am also wearing a size 22 in my jeans. At this rate, I might be in my goal of size 18-20 before my 40th birthday! I'm excited...
Hold on tight! It's gonna be a crazy week!
And boy did we walk...8 KM in fact! Holly had her Nike + I-pod application running and we logged everything from how fast we were going, to how far we had gone, to how long it took us. I think it took us 90 mins - but am not sure if that's an accurate number. I have never walked that far in my life and it felt awesome to have done it...I felt like I had accomplished something huge. I have plans to go twice this week - Monday and Wednesday evening...below is a map of Fish Creek - it doesn't really show where we walked on Tuesday evening though...we started at Voiter's Flatts and walked all the way to Glenfield - and around and up the hill to Canyon Meadows Drive - then walked along there and then walked back down into the park and back up to Voiter's Flatts...
Here is a link to the map to the park - it shows more of where we walked:
http://www.tpr.alberta.ca/parks/fishcreek/PDF/fcpp%20map.pdf
I did come up against one obstacle this week...my body. I woke up on Wednesday - I knew that I would be stiff from the walking adventure the evening before - but what I wasn't prepared for was the swelling in my hands and elbows...and it scared me. I couldn't understand why this was happening. I went through most of the day feeling not so great - tired, headache, and even had a slight fever. I went to a class that evening and got through it. I thought the workout would help make me feel better - and it did momentarily - then when I got home - the pain was incredible...I even had pain in my stomach - I hurt everywhere...I went upstairs to my bed and layed down and cried my head off. I kept thinking over and over in my head "Why am I doing this??!" "I don't want to do this anymore - I'm sick of my body and my limitations" "Why can't I do as much as everyone else can?!" "My body is giving up - I want to give up" Then - all of a sudden I stopped crying and realized why I am doing this...I want to be happy...I want to be healthy...I want to see Maggie graduate from high school and University...I just want to be HAPPY... - I just kept saying that over and over to myself. Once I got over my pity party I realized that I my body is going to rebel on me from time to time and I just need to learn how to deal with it. I am strong and independent and will get through this. I just need to believe in myself and believe in what I am capable of. So for the rest of the week - whenever I felt the pain in my knees or feet or anywhere else for that matter, I just told myself that I control the pain - it does not control me.
The scale has been fairly nice to me this week - I lost 1.4 lbs...which is right on track with my 1-2 pounds a week. Considering it was that time of the month, and I did have some stress throughout the week, I am happy with it! I had a great Easter - and had a great time with my family. We went to a buffet and I managed to only eat one plate of food. Before my lapband, I would eat probably two plates FULL. I do feel that I am getting hungry more quickly again - and will need a fill again soon. I see Dr. Church on May 19th for my second fill and am looking forward to it. I bought a new top a couple of weeks ago - it's a 2X! I was wearing between a 2-3XL but now am finally into a 2XL for good. The 3XL hangs on me and looks silly...I am also wearing a size 22 in my jeans. At this rate, I might be in my goal of size 18-20 before my 40th birthday! I'm excited...
Hold on tight! It's gonna be a crazy week!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Goodbye Negative Thoughts!
This blog entry has taken me about 90 mins just to figure out what I want to type. I've got so much "stuff" in my head that I want to say, but it's mostly in fragments. I apologize in advance if it's all over the place!
Well - I'm happy to say I have "recovered" from last week's post. Work has seemed to get a bit better, along with other aspects in my life. I did stress about a few stupid things, but quickly caught myself and put a stop to it. One thing I've been noticing and it's quite obvious to me is, while my body is losing weight, and feeling good, my brain has not quite caught up with it. I keep getting this negative voice in my head that keeps telling me I'm not worth it, I'm gross, and I'm useless - now I know this is entirely not true - I know in my heart that being hard on myself like this is not going to help my weight loss...but I keep doing it. I've been working with Veronica (my therapist) for quite a while on this - about six months in fact and the "homework" she had me do this past month, was to "confront" this negative voice - to actually talk to it OUTLOUD and tell it it had no business being in my head and talking to me that way - and I had to do this whenever and wherever the thought would come up. I'm smiling right now as I type because I'm remembering me sitting on the bus and heading to work and this happening - and the looks that I got...oh well - whatever - at least I fit in with the rest of them! Anybody that rides Calgary Transit knows what I am talking about!
This week had me thinking a lot about how I even began my lap-band journey. I think about that evening last June when we got home from the gym and finding that letter from the Weight Management Program - I remember reading through it, rolling my eyes and throwing it in the garbage! Then I remember telling Ben about it and him encouraging me to "go for it" and that this could only help me along my weight loss journey. Ultimately yes, it was my decision to make and I thought long and hard about it and I'm so glad I decided to do it. I've also been thinking about a couple of my physical "breakthroughs" last summer. I started tapering down on this drug called Seroquel that I was on to help me relax and sleep. I was on as much as 150 mgs of the stuff - while I was going through withdrawl all summer long as I was tapering off the stuff, I would come to my workouts either dizzy, nauseated, or having the shakes - and the most amazing thing was that Ben did not lose patience with me - I don't think there are many (if any) personal trainers out there that would take the time to be patient when it comes to stuff like this. Whenever I would feel like giving up, he was there to guide me back on track - to help me see the bigger picture. Both he and Holly have been very important in my life - by both going above and beyond to help me stay focused to reach my goal. Kendra has also helped me a great deal - at the start of the summer last year, she had me kickboxing up and down the parking lot at ALIVE. She pushed me beyond what I thought in my head that I was capable of. She helped me to believe that I can do anything I set my heart out to do - and finish it.
So, I know that with more determination, self-reliance and strength inside and out, I will be able to reach my goals that I set out for myself back on my birthday in February. The only person I am up against is ME. I am going keep challenging my negative thoughts and quash them. I will not let them control me...anymore.
I am in the driver's seat.
Well - I'm happy to say I have "recovered" from last week's post. Work has seemed to get a bit better, along with other aspects in my life. I did stress about a few stupid things, but quickly caught myself and put a stop to it. One thing I've been noticing and it's quite obvious to me is, while my body is losing weight, and feeling good, my brain has not quite caught up with it. I keep getting this negative voice in my head that keeps telling me I'm not worth it, I'm gross, and I'm useless - now I know this is entirely not true - I know in my heart that being hard on myself like this is not going to help my weight loss...but I keep doing it. I've been working with Veronica (my therapist) for quite a while on this - about six months in fact and the "homework" she had me do this past month, was to "confront" this negative voice - to actually talk to it OUTLOUD and tell it it had no business being in my head and talking to me that way - and I had to do this whenever and wherever the thought would come up. I'm smiling right now as I type because I'm remembering me sitting on the bus and heading to work and this happening - and the looks that I got...oh well - whatever - at least I fit in with the rest of them! Anybody that rides Calgary Transit knows what I am talking about!
This week had me thinking a lot about how I even began my lap-band journey. I think about that evening last June when we got home from the gym and finding that letter from the Weight Management Program - I remember reading through it, rolling my eyes and throwing it in the garbage! Then I remember telling Ben about it and him encouraging me to "go for it" and that this could only help me along my weight loss journey. Ultimately yes, it was my decision to make and I thought long and hard about it and I'm so glad I decided to do it. I've also been thinking about a couple of my physical "breakthroughs" last summer. I started tapering down on this drug called Seroquel that I was on to help me relax and sleep. I was on as much as 150 mgs of the stuff - while I was going through withdrawl all summer long as I was tapering off the stuff, I would come to my workouts either dizzy, nauseated, or having the shakes - and the most amazing thing was that Ben did not lose patience with me - I don't think there are many (if any) personal trainers out there that would take the time to be patient when it comes to stuff like this. Whenever I would feel like giving up, he was there to guide me back on track - to help me see the bigger picture. Both he and Holly have been very important in my life - by both going above and beyond to help me stay focused to reach my goal. Kendra has also helped me a great deal - at the start of the summer last year, she had me kickboxing up and down the parking lot at ALIVE. She pushed me beyond what I thought in my head that I was capable of. She helped me to believe that I can do anything I set my heart out to do - and finish it.
So, I know that with more determination, self-reliance and strength inside and out, I will be able to reach my goals that I set out for myself back on my birthday in February. The only person I am up against is ME. I am going keep challenging my negative thoughts and quash them. I will not let them control me...anymore.
I am in the driver's seat.
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