I guess it's been a while since I was here last.
Things have been interesting to say the least.
I went back to my doctor this past week for the third time - I just have not been feeling like myself at all lately. I was nervous about talking to him - I know, it sounds silly, but seeing as I don't know him that well, I felt weird. He actually sat down and we had a good 20 min conversation about everything that was going on with me. His opinion? He thinks I may have S.A.D.- or Seasonal Affective Disorder. My vitamin D levels that he checked a few months ago were quite low, so he said that may explain a few things too. He was also a bit leaning towards the depression/anxiety side - and gave me a prescription for Celexa and made me promise to follow up with him in a month.
I also took the liberty of booking an appointment with a therapist. Again. I guess it's time!
I will work through this. I will combat it and will not let it consume me.
On the great side, I've amped up my exercise - which always helps make me feel better. It's my natural tranquilizer. Whenever I am feeling rough, all I need to do is hop on a spin bike and I feel relief.
I also celebrated my 41st Birthday a couple of weeks ago. It was an awesome evening. It was wonderful to see everyone too. I wore a dress that my friend Angela gave me - a year ago. She gave it to me as she had lost so much weight, she was too tiny for it! She gave it to me one evening after we had a workout together and told me I would fit into it soon. Not believing her (or myself for that matter) I just put it in my closet and there it sat for over a year. I decided to take it out a month ago...I put it on and low and behold...it fit! I fit into a size 18 dress! It wasn't that long ago, I was wearing a size 28! It felt great!
It was a fun evening...and went on the rest of the week!
Cheers to better days ahead!
K
Happy 2012 Everyone!
So...Resolutions...why do we make them? We wake up on January 1st and make all these "Resolutions" to ourselves. Sure, for the first few weeks, we follow our new healthy meal plans and go to the gym with all the rest of them. We tell ourselves that we will be "good" and we will make these resolutions to live a more healthy lifestyle. How many of us actually stick to these promises that we make to ourselves?
I decided two years ago never to make these resolutions to myself again. Sure, I did it. I woke up on January 1st and told myself I was going to eat better...that I was going to go to "a gym" and exercise.
I never did it.
Instead, I've made a conscious effort to make "promises" to myself. The one promise I really want to make to myself is to just be happy. I would be lying if I said that 2011 was a stellar year for me. It was not. I struggled with the food aspect, but most of all I struggled with depression and I struggled with self-worth.
If I learned anything this past year however, it would be realizing how much inner-strength I have. There were so many times when I wanted to give up. I wanted to just say "screw it" and not do this journey anymore. I even went through a whole weekend of not exercising and not eating properly - just to see if I could go back to my old habits. And you know what? It didn't work. It didn't last. My "new" habits that I have formed kicked into full gear and I will never go back to that feeling again.
When ALIVE closed down, and Ben and Holly moved away, I felt as though I lost my support system altogether. I didn't realize it at the time, but this was probably one of the best things that could have happened to me. It made me realize that I did and do have a support system - ME. Only I can take care of myself and fight my battle with obesity on my own. Sure, it's awesome to have friends along the way and it's wonderful to have a work out buddy from time to time. I love that. I love all of the support and encouragement I have recieved from my family and friends. I am finally realizing that I am responsible for my future weight loss and goals...
I am realizing just how strong I am on on the inside. Thank you to all of you that have been there for me - encouraging and supporting me along the way. I am really looking forward to this year and all of the challenges it hold for me. I am looking forward to not only meeting some weight loss goals, but other goals such as happiness and peace - within myself.
So, screw those "New Year's Resolutions" and start making promises to yourself. Promise to live each day just being happy...
I am.
