About a week and a half ago, when I was getting out of bed, and making my way into the bathroom to get ready for work, I stopped and realized...
I made it through ONE day without thinking of my Mom. My first reaction was that I was upset with myself...how could I actually go through an entire day and not think about her? Up until the day before, she was the first thing I thought about when I woke up and she was the last thing I had in my head before I would fall asleep. At first, I felt guilty. I thought that I was forgetting about her...how could I?? I went about my routine, and got ready for work. As I was on the bus it really hit me...like a tonne of bricks...I actually started to tear up a bit...I was angry at myself for forgetting about her.
As I continued through the rest of the day, I began to think about things...I thought about her and how much of an impact she had on my life. And I realized that I DIDN'T forget about her...I realized that I am indeed starting to really go through the healing and acceptance process stage - the stage that I have been looking forward to for so long. I realized that it's okay to not focus all of my thoughts on her. In fact, everytime I do think of her now, it's all wonderful, happy memories. I am so proud of her and everything that she accomplished in her life. She was a nurse, a friend, an artist, a musician (singer), a counsellor, but most of all she was MY Mom...and I'm so proud of her, and I'm proud of myself for finally getting to this stage. I know there are still going to be hard days from time to time, but they are sure going to be a heck of a lot less than they used to be...I know that moving on is not a bad thing, and I know that moving on does not mean that I will forget her. I have her in my heart and forever there, she will stay.
On another note - just as an update on my weight loss...I've lost another pound which means I am finally out of the 330's! It seems like it took me forever but I did it. The Weight Management Group classes are going fairly well - I am still finding them a little on the boring side, but am still learning some valuable tips...the class numbers seem to be dropping, and we have heard a rumor that there might be a lap band for everyone by the end of it all...I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best.
My training is still going really well...Ben came back after a vacation at the start of August and has been beating on me the past couple of weeks...lol...I usually whine and complain a bit, but I always head back for more. He's such an awesome trainer, and I'm lucky to have him in my life. I still keep amazing myself with the things I can do, that I couldn't over a year ago...my endurance and strength have definitely increased and physically I feel better...I love it and wouldn't change a thing! I'm also happy to report that I'm finally at the lowest dose possible of Seroquel - 25mg...I just started that last night, so we will see...as soon as I can get off of that entirely, the better I will feel.
Moving on and moving forward...I'm gonna keep doing it!!