It's Time

It's late November...and the Christmas season is almost upon us.

Every Christmas since my mom passed away has been a hard time for me.  I won't lie - I've been a miserable, negative person to be around.  For the past four Christmas's I have had a hard time being cheery and just haven't been in the mood to celebrate the Christmas spirit.

This year seems different.

I woke up one morning last weekend and just decided that enough was enough.  Yes, I miss my mom terribly at this time of year, but really...it is time to move on.  It's time to be happy and make the most of this season.  We haven't even had a tree the past four years because I just felt too sad to even look at one.

Today when we went grocery shopping, I walked myself over to the seasonal department at the WalMart and picked out a wreath that I am proud of putting on our door.  Next week - I am planning on picking out a tree! 

I am proud of myself - to come this far.  I will never forget my mom - especially at this time of year, but I know in my heart, I have finally accepted the fact she is no longer here and I am okay with it. 

Now...an update on my band...I saw my dietician a couple of weeks ago.  She and I went through my food journals with a fine tooth comb, and while yes, I have a day here and a day there where I went off plan, there is no solid reason as to why I have gained the amount of weight I have.  She suggested I see a specialist in Internal Medicine to see if there is another reason behind it.  She also suggested I see my surgeon - which I have. He thinks I MAY have a small slip in my band - and set up an Upper GI for December 5th.  If this is the case, I will need the band removed. 

I've also been doing an awesome boxing class for the past couple of months.  My friend Angela and I have been doing it together!  We both keep each other motivated each class - in fact, we are the only beginners left in the class since the beginning - I am so proud of us!

The last time I saw my doctor, he began to get on me about my weight.  I told him I was frustrated and that I would start seeing my dietician on a regular basis - that I am taking responsibility for my gain, but there is another reason behind it too.  As I was leaving the exam room, he shook my hand and looked at me and said "Please don't give up."  I looked at him in surprise and said "No, I won't give up - I have come WAY too far to give up."

That is all.