I've been kickin' butt lately. I feel good. I feel happy. For the most part I'm in control of my eating habits - I've fallen a little bit off the "Christmas Treats at Work" wagon, but I'm refusing to beat myself up about it. I've done it...I've indulged a bit here and there, but it's time to move on.
I've lost quite a bit of weight in the last month. I won't go into details about how much, but enough where I am noticing it again. We had our company Christmas Party a couple of weekends ago and Brian insisted I buy a new dress for it. So off I went to Penningtons grudgingly. Brian's friend Monique joined us and she helped me pick out my dress. I remember looking at it on the hanger and hating it at first. Monique just told me to try it on anyway so I did. I remember looking at myself in the mirror with it on and thinking: "Hey...I look pretty good!" Then a complete stranger walked up to me and told me she hoped that I would buy that dress because it looked amazing on me.
She had me at that. I walked back into the change room, looked at myself again and broke down. These were happy tears this time. I kept thinking to myself "I'm back! I'm back on track! And DAMN!! I look wicked!" Then I said the same thing out loud to myself.
I have never done that before.
Here are a couple of pictures of me in my new dress. I love the way I feel and look in it.
Ben also came to town last week - it was awesome to see him and to catch up. He told me that I looked the best I have ever looked since I met him and Holly...coming from him, that means a lot. We had a great workout and it was just the "recharge" that I needed.
Sometimes, all it takes is being gentle with yourself and giving yourself credit. I know I don't give myself enough credit, and this is going to stop.
I am one amazing, strong and competent chick...and nothing is going to stop me!
Merry Christmas everyone!
Cheers!
K
The title says it all...
I have a huge addiction to peanut butter. There I said it. I think admitting it is the first step to recovery right?
I think my addiction has gotten a little out of control though. You see, I don't just have a taste - I go big or go home. I always make sure I pack it in my lunch when I'm getting ready for work in the morning - and have realized something. I've been lying to myself. Sure, I fill my little rubbermaid 3 ounce container and keep telling myself it only equals two tablespoons.
WRONG!!!!
It finally occurred to me to actually measure it properly, and it comes out to about 4 tablespoons...about 400-500 extra calories a day.
So I have since then made a promise to myself. That I am going to slowly wean myself off the stuff. I really shouldn't have it in my house...period. The next couple of weeks, I am really going to give it an honest try and eat less and less of it until I don't need it anymore. I'm going to check out this new stuff called PB2 - that lots of people are raving about.
I think I am also emotionally attached to the stuff. I know...it sounds totally silly and ridiculous, but it's true. I remember when I was in Kingergarten and Grade one - coming home at lunchtime on cold days and my Mom welcoming me home with a nice peanut butter sandwich - and hot chocolate of course :-) I loved it. I think a lot about my Mom when I eat peanut butter - we always had it in the house when we were growing up. If Mom wasn't making me a sandwich, Dad was and it was always with lots of honey too!
Somehow...I need to get over this emotional attachment. It's going to take some time and lots of patience on my part, but I will get through it.
I've also lost 15.5 lbs in 4 weeks! I'm so happy about it. I've worked really hard and really focused myself. I'm still having a few issues with hypoglycemia, but am really working hard to try and take regular breaks at work. My body is still adjusting to the drop in calories.
I got up to 224 lbs on my deadlifts too! I'm pretty stoked about it and am looking forward to going heavier in the next few weeks. Thanks to Patrick and Brian for supporting me through it. Patrick, you are amazing! Thanks!
Bring on the next four weeks!!
Well here I am again...two weeks in a row in fact.
I've had a pretty damn good week, and it ended even better this morning with the awesome news that a friend of a friend had woken up from her two week coma. She had been diagnosed with bacterial pneumonia and had to be intubated. This past Tuesday, her family had been told that all hope was lost and she was not going to wake up, and her lungs were so necrosed from the infection. Well lo and behold, this morning she opened her eyes and knew who everyone was and what was going on. It's going to be a long haul of healing for her, but at least we know she will be fine.
I saw my lap band dietitian and surgeon on Friday. I won't deny it, I was nervous and worried about how the whole thing was going to go down. I chatted for a while with the dietitian and when I told her about what my therapist had told me she was quite disappointed with what I had been told. We also agreed that I had not been coming in enough to get my fills - in other words, I had not been using my band to the fullest. By the end of our meeting, we had made a deal that I was going to make regular monthly appointments to get my fills until I had hit my sweet spot and start losing regularly. She was impressed with the fact that I had lost over 9 lbs in two weeks - but that I need to lean on them more and work my band the way it's supposed to. My surgeon agreed with all of this and was really great with me. When I told him I was considering getting my band removed, he replied with "You know Kristy, there is a reason you were chosen for this surgery. You have the determination, and perseverance and discipline to do this, so I think you just need to have more patience and work the band like it's supposed to." He gave me .4cc's and I have to say, it feels like it's the most restriction I have ever had. I now have a total of 6.6 cc's in my 10 cc band. Other than an episode with some peanut butter yesterday, I've been really cautious with what I put in my mouth and the amount I put in my mouth. I only eat until I am no longer hungry and it feels good. I hope this amount of restriction stays.
Another great thing to happen this week was that I deadlifted 215 lbs on Wednesday. I wasn't sure if I could do it, but with Patrick and Brian pushing me and supporting me to get there, I did it. It felt so good to get back to that point again. My knees felt good aftewards and the only thing to bother me a bit was my right elbow - which is kind of weird but whatever. I am hoping to up the weight by 5 lbs this week so we will see.
Also, on Friday I when I stepped on the scale, I managed to lose 1.3 lbs. That's 9.3 lbs in two weeks! I have been so careful with what I've been eating lately. I do admit, I have had a couple of minor oops's at work, but I've really tried hard to use my willpower skills :-)
This week is going to be even better...I can feel it!
Have a great week everyone!
I have to be honest here...I've been a bad blogger. I haven't kept up to date with it - I used to blog every week, and I don't really know why I've stopped, but starting today, I'm going to really try to make the effort to blog more. I find it therapeutic and it helps me with my weight loss efforts.
I've had a lot to think about as of late. For a while, I couldn't get what my therapist told me out of my head the last time I saw her. I was so angry with her. She is supposed to be a person of trust and knowledge and support. I felt none of that after I saw her. I fact, I have felt the most alone in my journey than I have EVER. Then my lap-band friend Angela sat me down and we had a good chat. She too, was also taken aback with the therapist's comments. We went over my food journals and had a good chat about everything. Then she told me something that has been resonating in my head for weeks now. "PROVE THEM WRONG." "Prove to them Kristy that you can do this...that you have it in yourself to do this and get it done." Thank you Angela...you have inspired me yet again to get back on track and work harder! Your support means the world to me.
So I've done just that. Yes it's taken me a few weeks to get over my pity party, but I'm doing it. I lost EIGHT pounds last week alone. How did I do this? I went through my food journal and figured out I was eating WAY too many carbs...and I was over-eating on the weekends too. Both of these I have managed to fix. I have also increased my cardio and have added it into EVERY workout. Also last week, I managed to sleep a heck of a lot better too. I'm not quite sure how I managed that, but I did. I also focused a lot more on saying NO to crap at work. We had a celebration for a co-worker on Thursday and I allowed myself a piece of cake..but it was a SMALL piece. Hey...you gotta start somewhere!
I had kind of a discouraging visit with my doctor on Wednesday. My knees are so painful and swollen at the moment. I asked him for a refill on my Arthrotec - to which he told me that he wanted me to cut down almost entirely on that and just take Extra Strength Tylenol! He told me the Arthrotec could cause kidney, liver and stomach issues. Then he told me to get a cane. I almost laughed out loud -- thought he was kidding. He wasn't. He also gave me another prescription for Arthrotec - but only to be taken on my "Flare up" days...which is almost every day right now...and he also gave me and rx for a new type of ointment that is loaded with analgesics. Then he got on me about my weight again. I told him I was trying my best and he just told me it was EXTREMELY critical that I get this weight off. His words have given me even more of an incentive to try harder to lose the weight and get my knees better. I am not a surgical candidate either, so it is really time for me to buckle down and get this done.
So that is where I am at right now. I am going to prove them (the lap band support group leaders) that I can do this MY way. But most of all, I am going to prove it to myself that I am capable and strong enough to get this done.
That is all. Stay tuned!
For the past three days I've been trying to figure out what to post. I've been in kind of a bad place as of late. I've allowed some negative feelings to get the best of me and I haven't made the greatest of food choices. I have even decreased my exercise the past couple of weeks.
It all kind of came to a head this past Tuesday morning when I saw the psychologist in my lap band program. I have been seeing her monthly for follow up visits and to just touch base with how everything has been going for me. I told her that I was feeling very frustrated with how I was feeling - that I felt like I wasnt making any progress. She then said something that has been resonating in my head over and over... "Kristy - you must start to accept your body just the way it is now." "You really won't be losing much more and you need to accept that."
Uhhhh...pardon me...but WTF?!?!?! Accept my body the way it is??? The last I checked, I still have 110lbs to lose. I'm sorry, but no - I can't accept that.
And that's just what I told her. I will not and won't accept that. I spent 20+ years saying that to myself - lying to myself and telling myself that it was okay to be as fat as I was. That's how I got up to 360 lbs...that's NOT okay. Her response to all of that was, that she was discharging me from her care and that she felt I didn't need her - that I could do the rest of it without her.
Do the rest without HER??? I wanted to tell her to get over herself - but I all I could manage to mumble was thank you and goodbye.
So ya. I've been angry and hurt and then angry some more. Angry that she told me this and angry that she's probably telling other people in my group the same thing.
I also saw my new doctor about a week ago for my physical. He said I was in terrific shape for someone my age. He was pleased with my BP (although it was up a little bit - I contribute it to the fact that he's really nice to look at and he made me nervous) and my cholesterol and blood sugar were all normal...my ECG was normal and everything else...everything else BUT...
Ya you guessed it...my weight. He was different from all of the other doctors that have discussed the weight issue with me tho. He was patient but was very frank with me. We talked about how my knees have been in the worst shape of my life the past month. My good knee now clicks and cracks and is swollen. I can no longer do squats or lunges. In fact, two weeks ago at the gym, I had to take the elevator instead of the stairs up to the weight room floor. I was mortified and embarrassed with myself. I just couldn't get my knees to even bend in the manner you need to get up a simple flight of stairs....so, I took most of last week off and tried to rest them the best I could. I went back today to do my cardio, and I could get up the stairs, although slowly.
Anyway - back to my doctor's appt. He told me if I didn't lose the weight, I probably wouldn't be able to walk by the time I reach 45. All the meds in the world couldn't help - I need to get this weight off. I wholeheartedly agreed with him. I know I need to do this...get the weight off to help my knees.
So I guess the major point of my post was to get some stuff off my chest. I WILL continue on this journey of weight loss and I will NOT accept the way things are.
So this week my goals are:
1. NO WHEAT!
2. Exercise every day but Wednesday.
3. NO cheating at work.
4. Be nice to my knees :-)
5. Stay FOCUSED
It's gonna be a good week...See?? I knew that posting this blog tonight would make me feel better!
Cheers!
Kris
It's summer.
But I know you already know that.
Summer is that time of year where people relax, take vacations, and enjoy the weather.
I did all of the above - I didn't go anywhere this year - we usually just stick around town and have our "staycation" and go to movies and hang out with friends. The last couple of summers, I have been very rigid with myself when it comes to my exericise regime and my eating habits.
This year...not so much.
I wanted to relax more - which apparently I needed to do. I got out with friends and went to a few movies. But I also cut back on my exercise and pretty much ate what I wanted.
And yeah...I've gained a little bit of weight. But you know what? Oh well.
This time around, I'm not going to freak out about it. I have worked really freaking hard lately and I know I will lose the weight again. I fell off the wagon, but have gotten back on. Shit happens...and I'm dealing with it. I wanted to have fun this summer and I did...my routine fell out the window - my fitness classes at the YMCA ended for the summer and I was on my own - or I felt that way...and that's okay. I know how to kick my own ass when I need to.
Onto more positive things...I got a new job! It's the Administrative Assistant position in the same department where I am presently. It's a step up and I am so happy about it. I am happy that I get to stay working with the same great group that I currently work with. I am hoping to start it near the end of September, but that will be dependant on how the training goes with the person that takes over my present position.
So that's my summer so far in a nutshell...lots of relaxing, laughing, and just having fun - something I just haven't done in a LONG TIME...oh ya...and a new job to look forward to!
In case you are wondering...yes I am back to my routine...eating clean (well most of the time) and exercising 5-6 times a week.
Onwards and upwards!
K
It's been a while since I've been here. I actually had a co-worker come up to me this week and inquire as to why I haven't blogged in a long time. Life has just been busy...I've been on holidays and to tell the truth, I haven't MADE time to blog. But I'm back now, so it's all good!
I love Yoga. Unfortunately, I haven't been to a yoga class in a long time. For some reason, I have put it on the back burner and it's pretty much nonexistent in my life right now. I used to go every Sunday. Now, if I am lucky, I go once every couple of months or so. I think it has to do with the fact that I was looking for a new studio. I found one in Lake Bonavista just over a month ago - and I've been once. When I was going every Sunday, I felt great and my joints felt awesome. I guess I thought that slacking off in the yoga department would be okay...and I was wrong.
Ben came to town last week and we worked out. We started off doing some Good Mornings on the squat rack...by the time I was finished my second set, my hamstrings were in spasm. I tried to just shrug it off and shake it out and thought really nothing of it. Then he put me on the glute/ham machine - and proceeded to do three sets on that. He put me through a full leg workout, complete with a few sets of deadlifts and by the end of it, I felt not too bad...even the next day, my legs and knees felt great - I was doing stairs like a normal person and walking normally. Then the second day came...and I could hardly walk. My knees were in agony and I was almost in tears. My hamstrings felt like big rocks on the back of my legs. I couldn't understand why there was so much pain. I stayed away from my legs during my Saturday morning workout and just concentrated on my upper body. While I was doing my cool down and stretch, I worked a bit on my hamstrings...that's when I realized what I had done. I had worked my hamstrings so much and due to the lack of my yoga classes, it opened me up to some obvious injury. They were in spasm and I had a hard time just doing the simplest of stretches. So...off to the doctor on Monday I went. He examined me and determined that I had bruised my right hamstring - didn't do too bad of damage, but stressed to me that I really should be doing more yoga and stretching. I couldn't agree with him more. I know what I need to do and I will do it...starting this Sunday morning, I'm going to go back to doing my yoga once a week. That should heal things up and help me out.
Speaking of doctors...I fired my doctor this week and started seeing my new one. I was getting fed up with the lack of care and total disregard for my health. I would wait upwards of 2-3 hours - and that's with an appointment. I think the breaking point for me was the fact that he spend a total of TEN minutes with me for a physical. A physical!! WTF!?! Anyway - I was very happy to meet my new doctor and get the show on the road. He seems genuinely interested in helping me work towards my goals and he was super interested when I talked to him about my lap-band and my weight loss efforts so far. He's young (32 in fact) and very with the times. I was very lucky to find this new doctor and the fact that he took me on knowing I was unhappy with my current doctor was great. He also stressed to me how important yoga is to do on a weekly basis as least - especially with someone like me that works out as much as I do.
So there we are...life is good! Just can't forget my yoga classes anymore. It's so vital and so important!!
