Moving On...

About a week and a half ago, when I was getting out of bed, and making my way into the bathroom to get ready for work, I stopped and realized...

I made it through ONE day without thinking of my Mom.  My first reaction was that I was upset with myself...how could I actually go through an entire day and not think about her?  Up until the day before, she was the first thing I thought about when I woke up and she was the last thing I had in my head before I would fall asleep.  At first, I felt guilty.  I thought that I was forgetting about her...how could I??  I went about my routine, and got ready for work.  As I was on the bus it really hit me...like a tonne of bricks...I actually started to tear up a bit...I was angry at myself for forgetting about her. 

As I continued through the rest of the day, I began to think about things...I thought about her and how much of an impact she had on my life.  And I realized that I DIDN'T forget about her...I realized that I am indeed starting to really go through the healing and acceptance process stage - the stage that I have been looking forward to for so long.  I realized that it's okay to not focus all of my thoughts on her.  In fact, everytime I do think of her now, it's all wonderful, happy memories.  I am so proud of her and everything that she accomplished in her life.  She was a nurse, a friend, an artist, a musician (singer), a counsellor, but most of all she was MY Mom...and I'm so proud of her, and I'm proud of myself for finally getting to this stage. I know there are still going to be hard days from time to time, but they are sure going to be a heck of a lot less than they used to be...I know that moving on is not a bad thing, and I know that moving on does not mean that I will forget her.  I have her in my heart and forever there, she will stay.

On another note - just as an update on my weight loss...I've lost another pound which means I am finally out of the 330's!  It seems like it took me forever but I did it.  The Weight Management Group classes are going fairly well - I am still finding them a little on the boring side, but am still learning some valuable tips...the class numbers seem to be dropping, and we have heard a rumor that there might be a lap band for everyone by the end of it all...I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best.

My training is still going really well...Ben came back after a vacation at the start of August and has been beating on me the past couple of weeks...lol...I usually whine and complain a bit, but I always head back for more.  He's such an awesome trainer, and I'm lucky to have him in my life.  I still keep amazing myself with the things I can do, that I couldn't over a year ago...my endurance and strength have definitely increased and physically I feel better...I love it and wouldn't change a thing!  I'm also happy to report that I'm finally at the lowest dose possible of Seroquel - 25mg...I just started that last night, so we will see...as soon as I can get off of that entirely, the better I will feel. 

Moving on and moving forward...I'm gonna keep doing it!!

Update...

It's certainly been a while since my last post...I don't really have a good excuse other than I've been pretty busy - and have nothing really witty to say :o)


So far - I have gone to two of the Weight Loss Classes and for the most part, I gotta say - I feel I am so much further ahead than everyone else - both mentally and physically.  I've also done a lot of people watching (one of my most beloved things to do) and have actually named a couple of people in my class already (they actually don't know I've named them.)


First of all - there's Bitter Woman...she sits beside me on my right...she is angry at the world and thinks everyone owes her because she is fat.  This drives me nuts I gotta say...whenever I am put in a group with her, she snarls out one word answers and the eye rolling is a bonus.


Second - is Big Mac Woman...she sat beside me last week and proceeded to tell me her whole life story.  Now after a full day of work, this is probably the LAST thing really want to be happening.  I eventually tuned her out until she poked me in the arm - she had written a note to me that said " After the meeting, how about we head to McDonald's for a Big Mac?  I'm gonna have two!"  I looked at her as if to say:  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???!!  This is how you got that way! lol  I couldn't even fathom eating a Big Mac right now - I never really liked them to begin with and won't be wanting them in the future.


Oh and don't forget Nosey Woman...she's the one that weighed herself and then announced to the whole room that she had lost seven pounds.  When she got to me and asked me how much I had lost, I pretty much told her it was none of her business.  I have a thing about privacy and trust - and will only tell people stuff about me when I feel comfortable. 


So far by the way...I have lost 3.6 lbs in two weeks.  I know I can do better, but it is a start.  Ben has kicked up my workouts a notch the past couple days since he has been back so I'm sure the scale will be better this Tuesday.


I also found out a couple of weeks ago, that I will be moving over to the Rockyview Hospital in September.  I got the position I applied for back a few weeks back.  It will be much closer to home and I am looking forward to it.


So that's my life in a nutshell at the moment...lots of gym time, lots of class time, but most of all...ME TIME...